I once read that kids with PDD-NOS “…don’t understand why things are wrong, that they are wrong, what affect they may have on others, or how their actions can make others feel.” I copied these words down for myself, but I didn’t note the author, so I can’t give credit where credit is due. My husband will probably tell you that I do that a lot. Not the stealing quotes part, but the not giving credit thing. In my defense, washing the dishes once per week does not a kitchen-helper make. I digress.

My 10 year old son has PDD-NOS. This stands for Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, which can also be called sub-threshold autism, or autism spectrum disorder, or GOOD HEAVENS WHAT IS GOING ON WITH OUR CHILD RIGHT NOW? We’ve called it all of those things at one time or another.

The fact is, no matter what you call it, it’s a disability. My son’s brain does not function like a typical child’s brain. He does not understand social cues, he has a hard time understanding figurative language, he exhibits repetitive behaviors, and he exhibits repetitive behaviors. See what I did there? He can also become easily frustrated. Though, I could say the same about my 14 year old daughter. *crosses arms* *rolls eyes*

For the past seven years we have been trying to mainstream this very non-mainstream child. We felt that our small school, with a focus on Christian values was just the right place for him to get not only an education, but also the love and support of our church family. But, I don’t think we can try to force this square peg into a round hole any longer.

We can not snap our fingers and have him suddenly be free of his issues. We can neither employ the same techniques used with other kids, nor expect the same results. He is a unique individual and he needs a unique plan and the comfort of being in a place where he, and his intentions, are not misunderstood.

It is not an easy decision to remove your child from the school where he’s spent almost half his life. It’s hard to turn away from the families and teachers who have supported us, but I want him to be in a place where he doesn’t stand out or get called out. For once, I want him to be the typical kid.

So, if you need me, I’ll be doing some research and lots of paperwork. I think we have a move to make.

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Hi. Remember me? I’m the woman in a perpetual state of pony-tail. Pony-tail is not a state? Says you.

Last night I went to a gala fundraiser for a local special needs school and I wore something sparkly. Do you know what doesn’t go with sparkly? Pony-tails. Actually, since Pinterest came along and made hair-dos the next DIY craze, I don’t feel comfortable going anywhere with a rubberband in my hair.

So, once again, I turned to a tutorial. Some people use online tutorials to create their own wine racks from discarded wood pallets; I take bobby-pins and make a bun. Here’s the video I used:

And, here’s how mine turned out. This was only the first try, so I’m pretty happy with it. It was hard to pin the left side of my hair, but with a little practice I think I could do a better job. Clearly, the skill I really need to work on is taking a photo of the back of my head in a mirror.

Other bloggers are choosing their favorite hairstyle tutorial videos and asking for your opinions on which you love most. Each week, BlogHer is giving away prizes to 3 lucky winners: one grand prize viewer will receive a $250 Visa gift card and two more folks will each receive a $100 Visa gift card! Visit the Prizes and Promotions page on BlogHer.com for more info!

Hair Sweepstakes Official Rules.

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There is the friend who sent me relaxation in the form of a spa gift card.

There is the parent who offered to get a group of people together to take my son on the field trip he wasn’t allowed to attend, and who also wanted to throw in a Reds game. Sharks, beer, and peanuts? Count me in!

There are my in-laws who provided me much-needed respite. I even took a bubble bath.

There are dozens of people who emailed, texted, hugged and listened. There are so many friends praying and hoping for us right now. Thank you.

I haven’t felt this good about humanity since the infamous meat-wagon, freezer incident of 2009.

And, maybe that’s what this is all about. Maybe every now and then we need to be reminded that there is more good than bad; that for every awful thing you read or experience, there are hundreds of good deeds going unnoticed or unmentioned.

If I’m going to share the bad, then you’ll have to bear with me as I share the good, too. That spa gift card, though? I’m keeping that all to myself.

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My son and I went for a walk last night.

We talked a lot while we were strolling. He likes to talk. One of his favorite things to do is plop down next to you, wherever you are, and ask, “So, what do you want to talk about?” He gets his chattiness from me, for certain. Lately our conversations are all about his behavior and it’s not a pleasant topic, so last night I tried to let him enjoy himself without discussing, what has become, this disruption in our lives.

standing atop the roots of his favorite tree

We didn’t really know where we were walking; there was no destination in mind, no idea where we would turn off the path and exclaim, “This seems a good place to stop.” We just went where our feet took us.

We laughed at dogs playing, we talked to our neighbors, we stopped to watch the ducks swimming and get a glimpse of our reflections in the pond. We were happy. There are few things that bring me as much joy as my daughter’s laugh or an authentic smile on my son’s face.

My son wore his plaid fisherman’s hat and I carried bottle water and a chestful of overwhelming guilt and confusion. As if my own weight weren’t enough!

Our life, in this moment, bears many resemblances to walking out the front door into the unknown. Private school? Public school? Therapy? Meds? What will it take? I like to be prepared when venturing into battle and right now, well…I might as well be going up against a fire-breathing dragon armed with nothing but 16.2 ounces of spring water. But, one way or another, I will slay that sucker. You can be sure of that.

We saw some strange things on our walk; a bird’s foot, lots of goose poop, a wrapped tampon laying in the road, which is far better than an unwrapped tampon, I can assure you. And, we saw beautiful things too; like the blue sky, trees in bloom, and a man sitting on his front porch reading to his wife.

As we have for the past 11 years, we find ourselves on a journey for which we have no map. It’s hard to be lost, but I hope more than anything that my son will be smiling along the way.

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