We have been known to make rash decisions around here.
It’s only been a day and I’m already thinking that these feet….
…and this dog…
…might not go well with our new sofa.
www.potterybarn.com
Just a hunch.
Forget your troubles; come read about mine
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EmailCan you buy yourself a cake for a blogoversary? Because today’s my 6th and I kind of want cake. Six years and almost 900 posts; that’s a whole lot of crazy, right there. We all deserve some cake for that. Pie, too.
When I started blogging I knew nothing. NUTH-ING, as evidenced by my first post, which was actually my third post because I kept accidentally deleting it. My lack of tech knowledge was an embarrassment to geeks everywhere. Now I speak at conferences about social media analytics and the geeks are all, “You are our people. Come, let us show you Star Trek things.”
When I started blogging my daughter was eight years old, now she’s getting ready to start high school. If your small child is in the room, stop reading immediately and give them a hug. Hurry up, because before you know it they’ll be asking for the car keys.
I’ve written about a lot of death. I don’t want to write about that any more.
This space has seen me through a concussion, the swine flu/pulmonary embolism scare of 2009, surgeries for me and my son (he’s had three to my one; he’s such an over-achiever), anxiety, insomnia, a change to a vegan diet brought on by high cholesterol, and a colonoscopy. If you have a health question, just let me know. I’m like Web M.D., but in my case the “D” stands for disaster.
I have made unbelievable friends because of this blog; far too many to mention, actually. You know who you are. *fist bump*
Thank you to the hundreds of thousands of you who have read this blog and to my husband and kids for never minding that my head is buried in a computer screen. Thank you to BlogHer for being the catalyst to a major life change and for giving me an annoying level of confidence. And, thank you to the companies who sponsor me in this space. Each and every one of you are rock stars. Yes, YOU!
Now, I shall eat cake.
For the past 35 years I have told one joke. One. It’s the only joke I can remember and it still gets a laugh if you’ve never heard it. Are you ready?
How do you top a car?
I’ll give you a moment to think...
You tep on the brake, tupid.
*cue cymbal*
My sister told a couple of groaners the other day like, “Have you heard about the actress who stabbed herself with her knife? That woman…Reese…”
To which everyone replied, “…Reese Witherspoon?”
And she said, “No, with her knife.”
*cymbal crashes to the floor*
So, look. It was kind of a tough week around here and I don’t just mean because we tell awful jokes. We could use a good guffaw. I’ll take your best one-liner, best riddle…whatever you have, but keep it fairly clean because this blog is read by a priest, a rabbi, and a minister…who walked into a bar. I’m here all night, folks! Don’t forget to tip your wait staff!
But, seriously. And, I don’t mean Siriously. I asked her to tell me a joke and look what she said.
everyone’s a comedian!
Clearly, I need your help folks. Hit me with your best shot in the comment section!
My 11 year old son has always been difficult to control. He is impulsive, obsessive, and basically I’m FREAKING out about his teen years, because when someone offers this kid a cigarette, he’s going to say yes without thinking and then he’ll end up a chain smoker. Mark my words.
Though I never saw the movie, my husband tells me that our boy reminds him of the young character in the movie, Taking Lives. Not in the way that the character pushes people in front of oncoming cars (you know…we hope), but that he is unpredictable and reckless. My son doesn’t always think before he speaks or acts. Like, pretty much, ever.
Last night I was working in bed when my son came in every few minutes for definitions of words in the book he was reading. One time he came up next to me then asked, “Mom, what’s a scythe?”
Not wanting to go into details of the Grim Reaper, I kept it simple and replied, “It’s kind of like a giant knife on the end of a stick.”
He thought for a moment then walked out to the hall. After a few seconds he popped his head back into the door and said, “Ta-Ta! I’ll see you in the next world.”
At which point I thought it was possible that my little 50 lb. child already knew what the Grim Reaper was and maybe my husband knew more about this, “Taking Lives” reference than I did. I double-checked, “What did you just say?”
And, I’m happy to say he innocently replied, “I said, ta-ta! I’ll see you on the next word.”
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