My 10 year old daughter was recently giving her little brother a hard time when I said, “You had better leave him alone. When he’s a teenager, he’ll be big enough to beat you up.”
She replied, “Nuh-uh! I’ll be shooting up then!”
I think she was trying to tell me she’ll be growing taller. I think.
Not too long ago my kids spent the night at my Mom’s house. They call her Vo–Vo, which is supposed to be Portuguese for “Grandma”, but who knows if we’re getting that right. We recently found out that instead of telling the kids they have a cute “behind” we’ve been telling them they have a nice “ass”.
When I picked up the kids after their night at Vo–Vo’s, she told me that my son had been well-behaved, which is in stark contradiction to this list.
This list was compiled by my daughter, detailing all the things her brother did wrong. Let’s review, shall we?
Stuck his tongue out at me 5 times
Tried to color me
Tried to murder me
Didn’t listen
Banged table
Kept trying scraping Vo–Vo’s car
What we can gather from this is that three of the items were him simply “trying” to do something wrong. Clearly, we need to work on his follow through.
My seven year old son, who has slight OCD tendencies, goes from one bad habit to the next. He went from constant swiping of his forehead, to scratching his arms and legs, to pulling up his pants incessantly, to eyebrow raising.
Most recently, he has regressed to the pants pulling, no matter how many times I tell him his jeans aren’t falling down. With this go-round of the pants tugging habit he has decided to throw in pulling up his socks as well. You know, for good measure.
I understand that these things are hard for him to stop doing. Addictions work that way. For instance, my mom, who quit smoking for almost 10 years, started again. But I hardly have room to talk when I can’t control myself if there is chocolate within 20 yards.
My daughter often chastises her brother for chewing with his mouth open, but what she doesn’t realize is that when she chews gum she resembles Violet Beauregarde. She also starts talking before I’ve had my coffee in the morning. Oh wait. I guess that’s my problem, not hers.
My husband listens to music too loud, I know a girl who over-whitens her teeth and I am friends with lots of people who drive too fast. Hi, Kim! Everyone has a bad habit.
As annoying as they may be, I suppose my son’s actions aren’t all that harmful. They aren’t disgusting either, as was the case when I was a child and I bit my nails. Ew. Now I take care of my nails as best I can. Of course, my new habit is picking my cuticles, because I like to defeat my own purpose.
So tell me, boys and girls, what habit do you wish you could break?
1. After three weeks, “taking it easy” becomes completely overrated.
2. Daytime television is horrible, but middle-of-the-night television is even worse. At one point, you may find yourself so desperate that you watch an episode of Three’s Company. Shudder.
3. After two chest x-rays and a lung scan where you have to breathe radioactive gas through a tube, you’ll realize that if the flu, pneumonia or possible pulmonary embolism won’t kill you, the radiation eventually will.
4. Chicken and noodles is good.
5. Pain medicine is even better.
6. You may be so out of it that you won’t realize new carpet is being installed until it’s already been laid, covered with mud and cleaned up.
7. When no one will come near you, your dog’s affection is absolutely wonderful.
8. Even if that dog stinks.
9. Once you feel better and tell people you’re no longer contagious they will still take two steps back if you come near them.
10. You may come home from the hospital to find flowers, home-cooked food and groceries all over your kitchen.
11. And then you will realize how lucky you really are.
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