1. If, over the holidays, you ate your weight in peanut butter blossoms and chocolate nut clusters, you may want to consider that it’s time for a diet.

2. If you decide on a low-carb diet then, by all means, make sure you work in a place where homemade apple crisp is made so that you can test your willpower when you smell it.

3. And you see it.

4. And you watch 200 kids eating it.

5. If your low-carb diet allows you to eat certain carbs, like Grape Nuts and Shredded Wheat, they will taste like the best treat you’ve ever had.

6. Then you may find yourself going through a lot of Grape Nuts.

7. And toilet paper.

8. You may think that bread baked without flour is the worst thing you’ve ever tasted.

9. Until you try milled flax seed and soy hot cereal.

10. Even if you add a lot of cinnamon.

11. And Splenda.

12. If you are at the grocery store you might find yourself standing in the frozen food section seriously considering the purchase of low-carb ice cream.

13. But, then the rational part of you will realize that you’ll end up eating nothing but ice cream.

14. Then you may find yourself going home and being thankful that your pants feel just a little more loose.

15. And you’ll celebrate.

16. With a bowl of Grape Nuts.

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I am a self-admitted social media junkie. I enjoy connecting with people and having discussions about all kinds of topics. One day it may be a conversation about hair color (because some of us were stripped of natural highlights when we bore children…love you kids!) and the next day it could be about LOST (Kate should be with Jack, period).

So, guess what fell into my lap? A place where parents can talk about all things…well, parenty. Books, toys, gadgets, and open conversations about spit-up, bed wetting or even how to get rid of the cranberry juice that stains my son’s face. No really, if you know how to rid him of it please tell me. My husband calls it his “permanent undersmile”.

Back to that parenty place! I have even started my own group where you (yes, you) and I can connect outside of here. Just look over at the right sidebar for the box titled “Gettin’ Savvy With It”. If you don’t know where the right sidebar is, just follow my map…
I have already started a discussion and would love to hear your thoughts. Come on over and take a look around. Let’s connect and share! The only thing off limits are electric breast pumps, because some of us, who shall remain nameless (*cough* me *cough*) have some post-traumatic stress. And, sagginess.

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A few weeks ago, I pulled a back muscle when I was lifting a case of water. What? Water is heavy. And, sloshy. After it happened, I told my boss that you never realize how much you use your back until you can’t use it anymore.

On Wednesday night my husband suffered a grade 3 rupture of his gastrocnemius, which is a fancy way of saying he badly tore a big muscle in his calf. He was shooting hoops when it happened. Okay, not so much shooting hoops as he was coaching fifth-grade, girl’s basketball. What? Dribbling around 11 year old girls is hard. Especially if you’re 38.

Since then, he has been on crutches and unable to do much. And, let me just say that you never realize how much you use your husband until you can’t use him anymore.

Every single morning, rain, shine, sleet or snow (in Ohio, it’s mostly the rain, sleet and snow part) he walks our dogs. The 11 year old Labrador could probably survive without her daily jaunt, but there is no doubt that she is in such great shape because of my husband, so we like to keep her active.

However, the one year old Labrador, Daisy, needs this exercise. She needs it like I need water, and air and beer.

Every day, my husband walks three miles with the dogs. They run off-leash most of that distance and likely cover twice the ground he does. Then Daisy comes home with her thick tail whacking everything in its path, she grabs a toy, slobbers on my jeans and looks at me as if to say, “I’m just getting warmed up, lady. Let’s play!”

Thanks to my husband’s injury, for the past four days I have been walking the dogs. If you can call it that. It’s more like getting pulled down to the park, letting them off-leash, then running 200 yards through shin-deep snow, in my big, clunky snow boots, to get Daisy because she has run off to steal another dog’s ball.

It is exhausting and after only four days, my body is sore. My left hand is blistered, my ribs feel bruised, I have shin splits and my thigh muscles are like jello. It’s a workout like none other.

I’m actually kind of hoping that I rupture my gastrocnemius.

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I started this blog back in 2007 because I was longing for a creative outlet and I wanted a way to journal the crazy things my kids said and did. There is no way that I’m ever going to let my son forget all the times he’s embarrassed me. Not a chance, kiddo.

After I initially told about 30 friends and family about it, I began to seek out other blogging parents. In doing so, I found a community of people who shared my love of writing and who could see the humor in being a parent. Poop is funny, people.

Very early on, I made a good friend in Joe Schatz from Joeprah.com. Joe is a stay-at-home dad of three great girls. And, Joe totally gets that whole poop thing.

Joe led me, and my blog, in bigger and better directions. He made me realize that I had a genuine audience and that lots of people get the poop thing. Joe was a reader who really believed in me. I owe him so much.

I was incredibly proud of him when he started Dad-Blogs.com. He asked me to write a column there and I jumped on board immediately. Then he got me a writing gig at Examiner.com. Unfortunately, after a couple of months, I had to bow out of both because I, quite simply, had too much on my plate. I am still sick about it.

So, when Joe went and wrote a book and asked me to read it, I have to be honest and say that I was kind of nervous. I’ve always related to his stories and loved his writing, but what if, by some itty-bitty chance, I didn’t like it? I couldn’t bear to let him down again.

I put off reading it. Joe e-mailed me. I put it off again and promised him that I would get to it next week. Joe e-mailed me one more time and said he’s going to be on The Tyra Show on February 18th, and if I could just look at the book before then, it would be great.

Here I am on February 17th, and I just finished reading Joe’s book. So sue me, I’m a procrastinator! And, you know what? This book is brilliant.

I’m not saying that because Joe is a friend, who helped me expand my audience, and who I have disappointed (at least three times now). Though, I can understand how you might think that. Trust me, if I didn’t like the book I would have found a way to blow Joe off yet again.

I’m saying that because it is really, truly great. “Daddy, where’s your vagina?” – What I learned as a stay-at-home dad is touching, funny, informative and different. In a totally good way.

Joe talks about everything a parent needs to know, but not the stuff you find in most books. A typical parenting book might tell you how to change a diaper, but Joe’s book mentions the epic nature of an infant’s “up-the-back” poop. I’ve never read about up-the-back poops in any other book, but mercy me have I experienced them.

My daughter’s UTB’s always happened in the middle of the night and I can vividly remember holding her under the running water in the bathtub hoping the poop would run off and down the drain. But, UTB poop is like tar and you have to get your hands dirty. THIS is the kind of thing that new parents need to know about. That you will be wiping poop tar OFF OF YOUR CHILD’S NECK at 3:00 AM.

This book is a must-read for any parent…not just dads. And, because I really want everyone to read it, I am giving away a copy! Just leave a comment here, with a valid e-mail address, before February 24th at noon EST and I will pick a winner at random.

Maybe I can even get Joe to sign it. That is, if he’s still speaking to me.

*UPDATE* Congratulations to HockeymanDad! You’re the lucky winner!

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