Holidays make for interesting conversations around our house. Trying to explain the importance of July 4th became so challenging that I simply started referring to it as, “America’s Birthday”.

Lent was also a complex discussion, but nowhere near as tough as the triduum (the three holy days before Easter). Throw in a Resurrection and you’ll have one confused seven year old.

I thought I did my best. Before we left for Holy Thursday Mass, I told my son that he would see the priest wash the feet of some chosen parishioners. I think this is one of the most beautiful and solemn ceremonies we have. It is a touching thing to be reminded that Jesus did this for his disciples.

My son, however? Not so solemn. Because when he smelled incense and saw smoke rising near the altar he turned to me and asked, “Mom? Is the priest making people’s feet stinky?”

Then at lunch yesterday I was sure he had grasped the meaning of Easter when he enthusiastically announced, “I can’t believe Jesus is risen!” Then he took a French fry and drew a picture of the Crucifixion in his ketchup.

Maybe all of this is my fault. I couldn’t help but think so when I was downloading pictures last night. We took the kids to the park on Saturday for an Easter egg hunt where kids were dressed in their spring finest. My son, however, was wearing a Napoleon Dynamite shirt…with cinnamon roll swiped on it. Clearly, he was not happy about this. Or, he had to poop.

And, despite the fact that I have roughly 80 wicker, one cloth and at least three plastic Easter baskets in my basement, my son was using a plastic bag. Note to self: Plastic bags are not good for egg hunts which have 6000 eggs disappear in 20 seconds. By the time you get the bag open, the eggs are gone and then you have a very sad, seven year old who only got one egg.

Not only am I lousy at explaining holidays, traditions and what is not acceptable to draw in your ketchup, but I also stink at egg hunt preparation.

My poor kid is doomed.

Follow

Email

Things that make me happy:

1. Easter.

2. Sunshine during spring break.

3. This surprise bouquet I received the other day. These flowers are pretty to look at and smell delightful.

Things that make me unhappy:

1. My dog, Daisy, who gets chronic staph infections and, this spring, threw in a yeast infection for good measure.

2. Vet bills totaling more than $800.00.

3. This shaved, yeast-infected neck. It does not look pretty and does not smell delightful.

Follow

Email

American Idol is one of the few shows we watch as a family. My son loves giving the singers a “thumbs up” or a “thumbs down” and my daughter likes it when Joe Jonas shows up.

But, ever since my husband called this contestant Clark Kent, I can’t see the forest for the trees.

Which is to say…I can’t get past her face to hear her voice.

Follow

Email

My family and I visited an indoor water park over the weekend; here is what I learned.

1. If the water in the toddler pool is warmer than the big kids’ pool, there is probably a reason for it.

2. Either having a lot of medical procedures has toughened up my son, or he is immune to pain, because after he got tossed off his raft in the wave pool, knocked over another kid as he tumbled under the water, slid along the ground for five feet and came up bloodied, he got right back on his raft.

3. Going down a slide in a giant family tube is a lot of fun.

4. If your friend is bitter because you’re leaving the water park to go watch Ohio State play in the NCAA tournament and she says, “I hope they lose” and then they do, you’ll hope she doesn’t own your likeness in voodoo form.

5. Teenage girls should wear bigger bathing suits.

6. My son needs his back waxed.

7. I need to lose weight.

8. So do a lot of other people.

9. If your son is 43″ tall and he climbs steps that are the height of his knees, and there are five flights of those steps to get to one of his favorite slides…that won’t stop him from wanting to do it again and again.

10. Kids can go for hours and climb lots of steps on cold pop-tarts alone.

11. Later, they’ll practically inhale an entire Big Boy franchise for lunch.

12. And they’ll sleep peacefully all the way home.

Follow

Email