In 2011, I will turn 40 years old. Clearly, it’s time I had a mid-life crisis.

There are a lot of things I have never done and tons of things I have yet to accomplish. I don’t think it’s prudent to put them off any longer.

I am a list maker. I always have at least one list. Sometimes more. There is something about crossing items off a piece of paper to make me feel like my tasks are finalized, that I have completed what I have set out to do. That is the purpose of this list. Well, that and the fact that I am losing brain cells by the day and can’t remember 100 things without the benefit of a list.

That’s right. I am going to list 100 things on my Life List. Here are the first ten. I don’t know when I’ll type up the other 90, but let’s focus on the fact that I am making forward progress, shall we?

1. Graduate from college. I left college with just a couple of quarters left (“quarters” referencing my time left in school AND the amount of money I had in my pocket). Although my parents helped me enough that I never had to take out a loan, I still worked three jobs to pay for my share of tuition and my books. I rode my bike to school every day so I wouldn’t have to pay for parking and every, single day my chain would fall off and I would show up to class covered in grease. I left school when I was offered a job making $30,000 a year working for a mortgage company. I was 20 years old. I thought I would save money and go back. I never did.

2. Run a half marathon. Because, I like to torture myself like that.

3. Travel across the United States in an RV. Probably my greatest dream. Ultimate road trip! Holla!

4. Stand under a Giant Sequoia.

5. Hike into the Grand Canyon.

6. Get published. I have a memoir and a novel in the works. Hey, literary agents…call me.

7. Become a Certified Interior Decorator. Not a designer, because oy, the math!

8. Paint a picture. Like a real one. On canvas.

9. Camp in a tent, on a warm beach.

10. Visit all 50 states. I have been to 21 of them, 29 to go!

That’s my first ten. What are yours?

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This past Saturday and Sunday mornings were spent running a lot of errands with my two kids. Two kids who, apparently, don’t understand that it’s possible to ride in a back seat without constant bickering and occasional sibling slapping.

After hours upon hours of listening to them argue, my head popped off.

Okay, my head didn’t pop off, but it felt like it would. Maybe that is why I suddenly yelled, “STOPPPPPPP!!!” You know, to relieve all of that pressure.

It was quiet for a moment, then my son said, “I want a new mom.”

I replied, “Why would you say that?”

He said, “Because you yelled.”

After I apologized for *ahem* raising my voice because of two days worth of constant squabble that would make even the most solid brain turn to mush, or make dogs howl, or make ears bleed, I told my son that he shouldn’t wish for a new mom because he might get a mom who yells more, or one who doesn’t read to him, or make him dinner, or love him so much, or…well the list went on and on.

None of that phased him. He was determined to be rid of me.

So, I did what any mom whose head almost popped off would do. I pulled over to an old, run-down house and told my son to go knock on the door and ask for a new mom.

He looked at the home, with its overgrown bushes, tall grass and covered windows and asked, “Can we go see if there’s a new mom at a better house?”

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I don’t really know where to start this post and I, most certainly, do not know where it will end. I guess that I should begin by saying that, in the last week, I let myself get so overwrought that I actually contemplated giving up something I really love. No, not chocolate. No, not beer.

I thought about giving up this blog.

I used to believe that if you’re going to do something…anything…you had better do it right, but I don’t really have time for that mantra anymore. Now, if I’m going to do something it’s half-assed or nothing at all.

My kids? Well, they get the best of what I can offer. My 25-hour a week job gets second best. then there’s my husband, laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands, volunteering…oh, and this blog. Sometimes I try to sleep, but I don’t even do that well.

I won’t mention that I am overweight and in the worst shape of my life. Wait. I guess I did mention it.

Trust me, out of all of the things for which I am responsible, I would love to give up laundry and cooking most of all. I even like to cook, but the time it takes out of my day is ridiculous. Of course, that’s if it’s going to be done right…which it usually isn’t.

On top of everything, I am looking for additional part-time work in the afternoons. Writing, editing, testing, whatever. I. Need. Cash. So, you know…call me. Who doesn’t want a haggard, stressed-out insomniac on their payroll? Oh, all of you then.

I am tired of living in a whirlwind. I am tired of doing so much, but doing nothing well. I’m tired of being sub-standard and not living up to my potential. I’m tired of being fat. I’m tired of hating myself. I’m tired of feeling weak.

I want to write. I want to read books. I want to go to Yoga class. I want to put my pictures into albums. I want to make a life list. I want to spend time with family and friends. I want to run. I want to do better.

I know that some people handle and accomplish far more than I do. Good for them. I can’t do it. I should get credit for my admission.

Unfortunately, I can barely find time to brush my hair, let alone do anything I want to do. And, unfortunately, there is nothing elective to give up other than this blog.

This special corner of my world, with the best support a girl could ask for, is the only thing I can quit.

But, before I do…I am open to suggestions. If you can help me save this place…this thing I love…that is so dear to me, I will be forever indebted. Just don’t count on me having time to pay you back.

**UPDATE**
To all of you who called, texted, e-mailed and commented…thank you. Your support proved to me that I’ll never be able to stop.

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