You know how the universe has a way of setting you straight? I used to constantly comment about the awful parents at the library whose children ran around and – GASP – didn’t wait their turn, and weren’t whispering, and didn’t color code their crayons when they put them back in the box after craft time. I judged everyone, because my kid was perfect.

Then I was sent a child with special needs who would change the order of all the books and pet the librarian’s double-chin if given the chance. Though, he might do that color-coding crayons thing.

Yin. Yang.

Our yellow Lab was rotten. She was cute, but she ran away all the time, ate all things inedible, threw up a lot, and had the world’s nastiest gas. Our black Lab won’t leave the yard if we forget to close the gate, won’t even eat the bones we buy her, and a few weeks ago when I gave her peroxide to TRY to make her throw up, her iron stomach held the contents firmly in place.

That’s 50/50 dog luck, right there.

Earlier today my boss left me the nicest compliment on Twitter. Her opinion is nothing to scoff at, given she’s a multi-award winning, cross-platform media thought leader; which includes her place on the list of FORTUNE’s 2013 Most Powerful Women Entrepreneurs. If you introduce her to someone in person, you need an inhaler because you’ll be out of breath from the accolades. Needless to say, this made my day.

Don't you all think @MomoFali is an AWESOME representative for the BlogHer brand on Twitter? Just butting in to embarrass her 🙂 -Elisa

— BlogHer (@BlogHer) November 20, 2013

I wrote her back and thanked her, then I stood up, tripped over my own feet, and fell flat on the floor.

Thanks for keeping me centered, universe. Thanks a lot.

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Every year my family asks me what my kids want for Christmas. My teen daughter’s requests have morphed over the years; as she’s grown, so have her tastes. We’ve gone from Barney, to Hannah Montana, to jewelry, to sports equipment, to nice shoes and gift cards. Those last two things are on my list too.

Not only is my 11 year old son, who is on the Autism spectrum, a super-slow grower (we just moved into a size 7 slim!), his taste in toys hasn’t expanded much either. He doesn’t play sports, other than an occasional game of golf, and his interest in trains, planes, roller coasters, music, bike riding and video games is about the same as it was when he was a toddler.

Since we are running out of storage bins for train parts, recently I’ve felt the need to step outside of the gift box, so to speak. These are some of my favorite things (his, too) for special needs kids.

1. Gorilla Gym Indoor Swing

The Gorilla Gym is a great gift for the whole family, actually. My daughter loves to box, my husband and I do Crossfit (and the Gorilla Gym AirStraps would give you a great workout), and my son uses all of his earned free time at school to play on the indoor swing. Whenever he needs a break, he can take five or ten minutes to swing and calm himself. This activity has long been part of his sensory therapy and now, even during the cold winter months, he has a place to exercise and refocus.

2. Bosu Ball

This is another item that the whole family can use, if you can manage to get it away from your child. Not only does my son have an affinity for anything round, he has also sat on a “hippity hop” ball for years while writing, eating, or playing games. The bouncing and squirming helps him concentrate on the task at hand. It’s also been a great benefit to his balance, stability and core strength. Now that he’s getting a little bigger (7 slim!), we’re moving away from the hippity hop ball with Tigger on it, to a more grown-up, Bosu version.

3. Wii Fit U

You may sense a theme here. That’s because left to his own devices, my son would come home from school and play video games. All day, every day. Because he doesn’t play traditional sports, it’s hard to keep him active. The Wii Fit U has been perfect at incorporating fun and movement. Just look at those squats!

4. Weighted Blanket

image courtesy of www.sensacalm.com

Not unlike the concept of swaddling newborns or the Thundershirt for dogs, weighted blankets help kids with anxiety and restlessness. We don’t own one of these yet, so I can’t recommend a particular brand, but I can tell you that the more blankets I lay on my son at night, the more restful his sleep. I’ve taken to placing a hefty, crocheted blanket on him so he doesn’t get too hot, but still gets the sensory benefit. I’m sure he would enjoy a kid’s version and not the one I’ve been putting on him that looks like it belongs on a grandma’s lap.

5. Blokus

This strategic game is a family favorite in our house; even when we aren’t playing it I’ll often find my son arranging the tiles into colorful patterns. Not only does it help develop his social skills, this (along with chess) shows him that his actions must be planned. Thinking ahead and good decision making don’t always come naturally to him. In fact, they rarely do. A board game that teaches him this fundamental concept and is actually fun to play? Bonus

When buying for a special needs child, remember to take their individual compulsions and weaknesses into account. You wouldn’t want to buy a noisy toy for a kid who is agitated by sounds nor would you get a rock collection for the child who puts everything in his mouth. Try to find something that lends value in multiple ways, and when in doubt, ask mom or dad for ideas.

Disclosure: I was provided with a Gorilla Gym Indoor Swing and a Wii Fit U for review.

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I have been thinking about this post for weeks – months, actually. Words twirl about in my head, one after another; mulling, and brewing, and boiling until my body becomes an animated version of itself and steam shoots from my ears. I hear a whistle as if my brain is a factory, closing for the day, and my body is dirty, tired and gritty from all the work it had to do to keep the factory open, working, resourceful.

And, the words – the hot, steamy, messy words – can’t be written down because they have become condensation on the walls. They slide and drip to the floor until they’re in a jumbled pile at my feet. I see them there, a mess of black letters spelling anger, sadness, fraud, sorrow, trust, love, faith, conviction. I move forward and they stick to my shoe.

I try to wash them away, but they won’t take leave. They are glued in this spot beneath me, always at my feet with every step I take. I need new shoes, I think.

The new shoes are shiny and clean; there’s no blackness on the soles. They give me blisters, but my toes will adapt. I wiggle them. I go for a run. I try lots of new things in my shoes and they become comfortable and I forget that I ever had anything but these which fit me so well.

Until one day when I’m standing at the stove and feel the words in my head again. Child, wrong, sad, hurt, boy, belief, family, ignorance, CHILD, CHILD, CHILD. It happens all over again and I think, I will never be able to write a post with all this muck.

So, I don’t.

I let the steam leave my head, wipe down the walls and buy new shoes, hoping that someday their comfort will be enough.

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This is going to seem jumbled for a couple of paragraphs. Please bear with me.

Tomorrow morning, after two months of research, paperwork and relentless phone calls to the Ohio Department of Education and our local school district, my 11 year old son will finally get a psych evaluation. If things go according to plan, he will be diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder for the third time.

Why do we need a third psych evaluation? Because his autism was never added to the Evaluation Team Report (ETR) at his private school. Without that diagnosis made by a psychologist at the local level and typed on his ETR and IEP (in the public school district in which he has never attended), he is not eligible for the state’s autism scholarship.

Without the autism scholarship, we can’t send him to a new school. Given the reports from his last one, returning is not an option.

Confused? Exactly. There have been six providers involved in this one request for reevaluation (for a disorder with which he’s already been diagnosed). Without the assistance of a very patient administrator and the advice of parents and advocates who have traveled this road before me, I don’t know that we would have found our way.

What I want to know, is what happens to the special needs kids whose parents don’t have the time, energy, resources, or resolve?

I have spent 11 years advocating for my son; I thought I knew what I was doing. I didn’t. I was lost in this process and I was trying REALLY HARD not to be. You can’t tell me that kids aren’t falling through these gigantic cracks.

I know there are good people who are trying to fix the system and I thank them for that. Everyone should thank them for that. My kid will someday be mingling about in society with your kid and it would be great if we could ensure everyone’s future by giving them the best individual education and services possible.

So after I accomplish this latest task I am making a promise to pay it forward and advocate on behalf of those who can’t. I am going to use my voice.

And, it WILL be loud.

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