The other night, around sunset, my son asked if he could turn on the Christmas tree lights. Before I had a chance to answer, my daughter turned to him and said, “Can I turn on the lights tonight? You always do it.”
My son replied, “Sure.” Then his face turned red, his eyes filled with tears and he said, “As long as you smile really big like I do when I turn them on.”
To my son:
“Maybe if you would have gone to the bathroom when I told you to, I wouldn’t be standing in the shower holding your piece of cheese and trying to wash my hair one-handed!”
“Is that stain on your jacket from when you threw up phlegm at recess or is it a blood stain from yesterday’s loose tooth?”
“Hurry up and go poop!”
To the puppy:
“Get your butt off my new throw pillow!”
“Get your butt off my laptop!”
“Hurry up and go poop!”
To my daughter:
“The puppy ate your soccer ball.”
To a newly purchased cleaning product:
“Your bottle says ‘streak-free shine’. You are not streak-free shining.”
To the television:
“Wow. Rick Springfield has had some work done.”
To my husband, when he asked me suggestively what was for dessert:
“Chocolate chip cookies.”
Follow
Email
Follow