Oh, pop culture. Sigh. I am in your news every day and sometimes you confuse me. Most of the time, actually. Before I burst, these are some things I need to get off my chest. It should be noted that my mother is going to read this and not recognize a single name. Some day, maybe I’ll rant about Doris Day.

1. I don’t care what the Kardashians do. Not even a little bit. Not ever.

2. Why is there going to be a live version of The Sound of Music and why is it starring Carrie Underwood? This question looks absurd, but I can assure you this is happening, people.

3. When I grow up I want to be Jennifer Lawrence.

4. And, I want Jimmy Fallon to be my neighbor.

5. I don’t know what Miley Cyrus is doing, but I don’t approve.

6. Rihanna needs to dump Chris Brown once and for all.

7. Jay Z is awesome. Justin Timberlake is awesome. Now they should go their separate ways.

8. How could AC/DC sell “Back in Black” for retail, commercial purposes? Bon Scott is rolling over in his grave.

9. I’m a big fan of Mark Wahlberg, but even I can’t stand behind him starring in a reality show about his restaurant, “Wahlburgers.” I can’t even stand behind the name “Wahlburgers.”

And, to redeem all of the above nonsense:

10. Downton Abbey’s fourth season starts in 54 days. Not that I’m counting.

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Has it been a week since I last posted? Wow. Time flies when you’re freaking out.

Let’s review the last seven days, shall we?

* It was really, really hot. Like, go out and water the flowers at 7:30am and come back in looking like you ran through the sprinkler, but it’s-really-just-sweat-hot. I killed four plants last week. Two of mine and two of my neighbor’s. My daughter and I were even tag-teaming the neighbor’s flowers and we still killed them. Call us to watch your house!

* I drank a lot of STRAW-BER-ITAS. Have you had one? Full disclosure: They are a BlogHer ’13 sponsor, but that’s not why I’m telling you how good they are. They’re just really good. So, I drank a lot of them. The end.

yo’. I’ll see you again soon.

* I can’t remember the last time I did the dishes. It’s good to have a 14 year old.

* I went to the doctor for my numb hand and got, what I thought was a steroid shot, but it was in fact Ketamine (an anesthetic). I slept pretty well that night. NOW, I’m on steroids. And, my hand is still numb and I’m kind of raging, but my cheeks are rosy!

* Out of desperation for happy conference feet, I bought a pair of Birkenstocks from Zappos. I’m happy they have free returns.

* My in-laws visited. I love them. A friend of mine lost both of her in-laws in a car accident last week. I can’t imagine the depth of that loss.

* I normally drink apple cider vinegar every day, but lately I’ve just been eating sea-salt and vinegar potato chips instead. To recap, the diet is STRAW-BER-ITAS, potato chips, and steroids.

* My daughter is so competitive that in order to break a record on one of the rides at the church festival (in which you ride in a cage and build momentum to flip over the top) she came home on Friday with the biggest blisters I’ve ever seen. About 17 of them. On Saturday, I did what any good mom would do and taped up her hands ala Rocky so she could take another shot.

* I leave for Chicago in two days and I have roughly 8,000 tasks to complete. If you don’t see me for another week, you’ll know why. Don’t blame Bud Light. It’s only half their fault.

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Here is the winner of the Photofiddle.com giveaway. Ladies, please don’t be intimidated by a) my manicure or b) my raspy voice. Nails don’t stay pretty when you work with second graders and wash your hands 50 times a day, and the voice is the result of a sinus infection and lungs full of mucus. See how much the hand washing helps?

I asked my son to show you his Elvis impersonation and you will note he stays in character throughout the clip. Well, at least his upper lip does. He is a consummate professional.

Congratulations, Chuck!

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In all honesty, I have never done a giveaway or a review because that’s not what this is about. This is my creative outlet, not a place to offer up goodies and bribe you to show up. Not that I am above being bribed, because I’ve entered into many a giveaway. And won exactly nothing.

There is also a small matter regarding a certain agreement, with a particular company, who may or may not reside permanently on my sidebar, and who shall remain nameless.

But, last week I realized that the real problem is that these companies have been going about their approach all wrong. If you really want me to talk about your stuff, then kick me where it hurts. Right in the sentiment. Also known as “girl parts”.

So when Photofiddle.com showed me that they could take one of your pictures and turn it into artwork, and that they would let me give away a $50.00 gift certificate in the process? Well, hot diggity! I jumped on board.

One, because I love the idea. Two, because I know what it’s like to have no money. And three, because Valentine’s Day is coming up, and who really ever comes up with an original Valentine’s Day gift? You are all welcome for the awesome idea.

You can take a picture of a pet and have it turned into a watercolor-style, like this…

Or, a picture of your child can be turned into an oil painting-style like this…

Or, a photo from your honeymoon can be changed into impasto-style, like this…

And, there are plenty of other options for you to choose from.

To enter this $50.00 gift certificate giveaway, just leave a comment between now and 6:00 PM EST on Sunday, January 25th. Even if you don’t win, you can get a 15% discount at Photofiddle.com by entering the code mom15 on the shopping cart page in the promotion code box.

Happy Photofiddling, everyone!

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