posted by Momo Fali on February 17, 2011
You know how you wake up at 4:00am with a raging sinus headache, then realize that your daughter is all out of school shirts, and right after that she tells you that all of her gym shorts are too small, and your son won’t get out of bed even after you turn on his disco ball and tell him that he’s missing the party, then you go to work where your boss has to do everything for you because your head hurts so bad that you can’t even wear your glasses, then you go to Target to get some new sinus medicine and end up spending $60.00 because you had to buy your daughter some bigger gym shorts, and buy yourself some makeup remover and maybe a Twix bar, and then you go home and take the new sinus medicine only to realize that you just took NyQuil at 1:40 in the afternoon?
Yeah, me too.
posted by Momo Fali on January 12, 2011
You know how you have a day off, but your kids still have to go to school and you scream, “This is going to be GLORIOUS!”, and it immediately goes downhill when you shovel the driveway for the fifth time in a week, and drop off the kids at school (which is not the same as dropping them off at the pool) and they argue the whole time, then you go to the ob/gyn and get a pap smear, and after that you go to the grocery store for the first time since December 23rd and trudge through the snow with a very full cart, then go to the pharmacy and find out they don’t have your medicine in stock, and after you take your boatload of food home and put it away you go to your mom’s house to shovel her driveway, and you’re sweating, and coughing, and it’s heavy, and your coffee is cold, and then a man comes across the street with his snowblower and finishes the job for you, and that man is 90 years old, and he smiles at you, and having crossed his (snowblown) path makes your heart happy and the day ends up being glorious after all?
Yeah, me too.
posted by Momo Fali on December 2, 2010
You know how you go to work at your lunch lady job, and the maintenance man retires, the one who is the nicest man on the planet, who greets your son at school every day with a high-five and a smile and treats him like he doesn’t have a special need in the world, when really your son would rather listen to “Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy” on his electric piano on the highest volume, ALL day long than do anything else, and the nicest man on the planet draws you funny pictures, and would do anything for anyone, and makes work totally non-work-like, and the school has an assembly for him and the kids sing “In My Life” and you start crying SUPER hard, and then the nicest man on the planet sees your son in the crowd and picks him up, and your son says, “I wish that you would never leave”, and then they hug in front of the entire school and you sob so violently that when you go back to the cafeteria you can barely roll up the turkey wraps?
Yeah, me too.
Goodbye, Mr. B. We love you.
posted by Momo Fali on October 7, 2010
So, you know how you go to work in the school cafeteria in your $100 shoes that you bought because your plantar fasciitis was really acting up, and then suddenly the hip you’ve had problems with since you were 19 years old decides to make you start limping like you’re elderly, and then you go home to find your one year old dog got your bottle of Ambien off of the counter and REMOVED THE CHILDPROOF LID, and you think that you can’t call the vet because she will insist that you bring her in and they’ll pump her stomach and it will cost you $800 and the dog will still die, so you look it up online and see that you should induce vomiting, so you give the dog some Hydrogen Peroxide and then she vomits the entire world in your backyard while you’re walking around holding your ears and singing, “La-la, I can’t hear you making that hacking sound and re-eating your own vomit”, and then you go pick up your kids at school and your son has a fever and he cries so hard that he throws up too.
Yeah, me too.
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