So, you know how you go to the eye doctor because your eyes are SO dry and he replaces the plugs you have in your tear ducts…the ones that keep moisture on your eye instead of letting your tears drain down the duct…and he says your left eye needs a plug in the upper and lower duct, but after he places them your eye won’t stop watering for the next two days, so you take a pair of tweezers and pull out one of the plugs and a day later you get a bill for $500 from your eye doctor for the plug you just threw in the trash, and then you go away on, what should be, a relaxing weekend because you have done nothing but work for months, and it’s anything but relaxing, and then you come home to 211 emails and a sick kid, who you try to heal with ibuprofen and sinus rinses (even though he vomits almost every time you give him one) because he was JUST on antibiotics for pneumonia, but his fever lasts for four days and he has congenital heart disease, so you can’t mess around with bacterial illnesses, so you hike up your compression stocking (because you just had vein surgery) and take him to the pediatrician and the doctor says, “Good thing you brought him in, because he has an awful sinus infection and pneumonia again”, and once he’s started on a new course of antibiotics, and you’ve spent many sleepless nights with a shivering, barely-breathing nine year old, all you want to do when you get up on Sunday is drink a steaming cup of coffee and take a hot bath, but they’re fixing the water main on your street, which means you don’t have any water?

Yeah, me too.

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So, you know how you pick up your son from Cub Scouts and he’s crying because he’s so hungry (because God love his amazing Scout co-leader, but she’s a busy mom and she left the bag of snacks, in a bag, ON HER DRIVEWAY), but that’s okay because you were proactive and ordered a pizza while you were waiting for your son, but on the way to the pizza place he’s saying, “My stomach HURTS BAD, because I’m starving”, and then you get to the pizza place and pull out your credit card and they say, “Oh, we only take cash or checks”, and you have to drag your hungry kid back to the car and then to the bank, and when you restart your 14 year old car at the pizza place for the SECOND time it starts making a hissing sound, and doing this lurching thing, so you call your husband, but he’s busy with the repair guy who is looking at your chimney because it’s so water damaged that it’s getting ready to collapse onto your roof and when you finally get home, you find out the quote to fix it is $7000?

Yeah, me too.

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So, you know how your husband goes out of town for the weekend and your young dog has been vomiting and having diarrhea for four days, and you have big deadlines, and you have to go get your daughter at camp, which ends up taking more than six hours, and you cry the whole way there because you just got a crown on your bottom tooth, and it’s sitting too high and jamming your upper tooth into places where it shouldn’t be and “bruising” the nerve, and it hurts so bad that you take three Dilaudid and it still hurts, but OH BOY do you sleep…you know, when you should be working, and you need to do laundry so you can pack to go out of town and speak in front of 3600 people, and then your old dog gets a tick and when you try to pull it out with tweezers you just end up getting half of it and a whole lot of blood all over your kitchen, and you have to make an emergency trip to your out of town dentist on a Sunday…you know, when you should be working, and then the young dog who has been vomiting and having diarrhea for four days decides she DOESN’T WANT TO GO IN THE YARD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYMORE and you have to literally drag her to the grass, and then she gets stung by something and her face swells up so much that she can’t see, and then you are SO HAPPY when your husband walks back in the door?

Yeah, me too.

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You know how you don’t get any sleep, and then your cold turns into a sinus infection/bronchitis mixture, and you spend your Saturday afternoon sitting in the cold watching an endless, sixth grade, softball game, which really wasn’t endless, but it WAS three hours, which is the same as endless, and the girls on the opposing team scream and chant the entire time, “We’re going to rally, rally, rally!  We’re going to rally, rally!” and you feel like you should go to confession because you wished they would lose their voices, then you take your obsessive and compulsive son to a monster truck show, and his latest tic is to sniff, sniff, sniff, SNIFF, SNIFF, and you take his noise-reducing earphones off to adjust them and he starts sniffing harder and completely freaking out that you are GOING TO MAKE HIM DEAF, and then he starts gagging, but you can’t go anywhere because you’re smack-dab in the middle of the row of seats and there is a wall behind you, so you do what any mother of an almost-nine-year-old would do, which is to put your hand under his chin and catch his vomit in your bare hand, but that’s okay because you have TISSUES and your friend has hand sanitizer, and then the young child in front of you stands up and yells, “Screw you!” to the announcer, and his parents LAUGH, and then you spend all day Sunday coughing up a lung because after you caught vomit in your hand, you sat in that closed arena and inhaled exhaust fumes all night and that goes really great with your asthma/bronchitis, sinus infection?

Yeah,  me too.

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