posted by Momo Fali on May 8, 2013
So, you know how your friend’s husband dies while doing yardwork at the age of 42, then four days later the uncle whom everyone, and I mean everyone, adores passes away, and you’re mentally exhausted and you think you’ll sleep until next week, but instead you wake up at 2:25am and start asking yourself pressing questions like, “I wonder if Canadians watch reality TV?” and then you clean out your inbox, finish all your levels of Candy Crush, catch up on Words with Friends, send a Facebook update, tweet, pray, and briefly consider getting sucked back in to Draw Something before you get out of bed at 4:15 and turn on a boring documentary because you hope it will lull you to sleep, but instead it’s interesting and there are subtitles so you have to actually sit up and put your glasses on, then you finally fall asleep at 6:40 and your alarm goes off at 6:55, then 90 minutes after you drop your kids off at school your son’s teacher calls and says to come pick him up AGAIN because this time he tried to climb over a pew during mass, and that afternoon you have to drive your daughter to a softball game on the other side of the earth, then you go to a memorial dinner for your cousin who died last fall and you burst into tears during the Irish Blessing, and ohmygoodness why won’t people stop dying, then you get home and are REALLY emotionally exhausted and can only think about one thing, which is collapsing into your wonderful bed, and then your son walks up and says, “Mom, I think I have strep again”?
Yeah, me too.
posted by Momo Fali on February 11, 2013
So, you know how you go downstairs to do laundry because you’re out of underwear, and realize that the trash can full of dryer lint has been knocked down every time you’ve gone to the basement for the last two weeks, and you know the only logical explanation is that there is a critter causing the trouble, or a ghost, and you’re hoping it’s a ghost, and then your husband goes outside and finds a flat tire, and while he’s changing the spare tire, he spills all of his coffee, so he makes more coffee, then he spills that too, so you don’t get any coffee and neither does he, and then you look in the mirror to see the painful spot on your ear where you thought your glasses were rubbing you is actually a big zit, then you get a phone call from your son’s school telling you that he can’t participate in any of the Mardi Gras celebrations because he’s not being responsible, and you’re all, “I KNOW! I don’t know what to do with him! I even write ‘BE RESPONSIBLE’ on his napkin every day!” and you want to cry because you really don’t know what to do with him, and you secretly wish it was wine o’clock, and then your daughter comes home from school with a migraine?
Yeah, me too.
posted by Momo Fali on July 26, 2012
So, you know how you have sewage come up through the utility sink in your basement and the plumber tells you it will be $300 to fix, but that you also need two more hours of work on the problem at $305 per hour, and then you get a $500 cardiology bill for your son, and two weeks later your husband goes for a sleep study and finds out that he stops breathing so often that he’s lucky he isn’t dead, and you’re so relieved he went for the study until you get the $1800 bill, and then the same day the check engine light comes on in your 15 year old car, and then the glass falls out of your back door and shatters everywhere so that you have to put cardboard up and your house looks like The Beverly Hillbillies live there, and then your son goes to the dentist and they tell you that he HAS to see an orthodontist immediately because his roots have no room and are deteriorating, and then you get pink eye, and then you get a bill from the IRS for THOUSANDS of dollars for something you didn’t know about from 2008, and then a car pulls up in front of your house and an elderly woman gets out, walks up your driveway, knocks on your door, hands you this, then gets back in the car and it pulls away…not stopping at ANY OTHER HOUSE?
Yeah, me too.
Who wants to get in a plane with me next week?
posted by Momo Fali on May 7, 2012
You know how you sleep for 10 hours and it is the longest you have, maybe, ever slept in your entire life and it feels amazing, and then you sleep great again the next night and think it MUST be because the window is open and your mom was right about fresh air, and she’s probably right about catching a cold if you go outside with your hair wet, but you’ll still never forgive her for slapping a ski cap on every kid who ever came over to play if it was under 40 degrees, because “they may come over without a hat on, but I’ll be damned if they’re leaving without one,” and you’re so well-rested that you spend the weekend pulling weeds, trimming trees, and washing windows, and you sleep well AGAIN, and think maybe the insomnia is FINALLY going away after 14 years, and then you wake up the third morning with concrete in your lungs and realize that the only reason you’ve been sleeping well is because you’re getting really sick?
Yeah, me too.
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