I currently have the urge to do adventurous things, which is not a place I have considered being for a long, long time. In fact, I’ve been scared to do much of anything, but sometimes you come to a point where you feel you have nothing to lose.

There are certain adventures I’ve always wanted to go on. My dream is to drive across the country in an RV, end up at the Grand Canyon and canoe down the Colorado River, camping along its banks each night. That’s a pricey trip, though; I’ve looked into it. So, first I need to hit the lottery.

I’ve wanted to hike in Zion National Park, stand under redwood trees, and take a helicopter trip above an active volcano (also pricey; we looked into it).

But, more often than not, I take the safe route. Don’t get me wrong, if there’s lightning I’m taking cover, and I won’t scuba dive or jump out of an airplane – though, maybe those things will come with time. For now, I’m taking baby steps to face my fears.

This morning, I got up at 4:15am to go for a run in the dark. I never would’ve considered that before. Ever. Sure, it’s more stupid than it is adventurous, but there’s a fine line between them anyway. Fortunately, there was snow on the ground so I climbed back into bed.

Maybe it’s my age, my kids’ ages or because I’ve had to come to terms with losing myself to find myself again. I feel like I’ve been asleep for a very long time.

What’s next? I don’t know. What I do know is that I want my heart to race from something other than anxiety.

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I like words. Words motivate me, heal me, make me stronger and help me find peace. I read quotes, daily, for all of those reasons.

I started looking for words about loyalty to put with a picture of my dog for today’s slacker post; my favorite of which was, “If you want loyalty, get a dog. If you want loyalty and attention, get a smart dog.” – Grant Fairley

But, while I was looking, I found words that are very much human, instead.

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And, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Commitment to school, work, eating right, relationships, exercise – commitment is what holds everything together. Have you ever reached a goal without it?

I’ve been committed to doing a lot of work on my exterior in the past, but as I’m getting older I see the need for more work on my interior. I have some broken parts, literally and figuratively, and unfortunately they are not fixed with beer and chocolate.

So, I’m making a big commitment to myself today. I’m not going to share it here, because it’s MY commitment to MYSELF, but if I succeed I promise I’ll let you in on it in the spring.

If I don’t succeed, I’ll probably tell you that too.

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My 12 year old son came home with a monumental packet of papers on Ancient Civilizations tonight. There were 10 pages of notes fastened to the back of it. In total, he handed me 48 pages on Aztecs, Mississippians, Mayans and Incas, then exclaimed, “This is ALL on the test tomorrow!”

Tomorrow.

After I finished work and made dinner, I borrowed some blank notecards from my daughter and got to work listing the key facts, dates, and giving him anagrams to remember information.

“The Incas were from PEACH, but it’s a B instead of an H. Peru, Ecuador, Argentina, Chile and Boliva. Or, it could be BEACH, with a P instead of the H. Either way, there’s an EACH in there, but the H is really a P or a B. Got it?”

I won’t tell you what I did with the Mayans BEGHM. Okay, it was BEGAN, but the A is really an H and the N is really an M. I WAS HELPING HIM THE ONLY WAY I KNEW HOW, PEOPLE.

After nearly two hours of this desperation and certainty of his failure, a few minutes ago he looked at me and said, “Mom, there is one good thing about this test.”

“Really? What could be good about needing to know all this information by tomorrow?”

With no idea of the palpitations I had been having for the last 120 minutes he took a matter-of-fact tone and said, “Well, I’m allowed to look at my notes.”

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