My husband runs a half marathon every spring, and is now in training mode. Due to the 20 inch snowfall we had yesterday, he had to suck it up and run eight miles on my treadmill.
Our five year old son saw him plugging along and said to me, “Dad is running SO fast.”
I replied, “He is, isn’t he? He runs much faster than I do.”
He looked at his father again, then said, “Yeah, but his face turns purple, just like yours does.”
The last time my husband and I went out for a “date night”, things didn’t start off so well. Within a few minutes of leaving the house, he made a comment, at which I kiddingly snapped a retort. A sarcastic bit of back-talk, if I must be honest. But, let’s get something straight…my husband is the king of sarcasm, so it wasn’t anything he’s not used to dishing out himself.
But, since the two of us don’t get out much together anymore, he said, “Just for tonight, let’s not talk like that. Let’s pretend we’ve been dating for two weeks.”
I agreed.
And, after an evening of talking and laughing like we used to, we learned a very valuable lesson. It’s really not easy to be that nice.
I sound like a sick cat when I sing. Actually, more like a sick cat, in heat, that was recently attacked by a pack of wild dogs. It’s so bad that I lip sync in church. Even hundreds of people can’t drown me out.
My husband has a very nice singing voice…one he inherited from his Mom. (Did you hear that? It sounds like a pinball machine. Ching-ca-ching-ca-ching-ching. That’s me, racking up mother-in-law points.) My husband sings because HE CAN. Unlike me, he doesn’t send small children screaming, ‘Make it stop! Make it stop!’
Last year, our son had ear tubes put in. For a week after the surgery we put drops in his ears twice a day, and he would have to lie on each side for five minutes afterward. After 10 minutes of staying still, which is excruciating for a five year old, we would tell him, “Okay, you can get up. You’re free.”
That quickly turned into my husband singing a loose rendition of the Rolling Stones’ song, I’m Free. ‘You’re free to do what you want, any old time.’ As much as I hate to sing, I will do it for my kids…if I have to. Although, I would refer to it as a lyrical whisper.
For some reason, my son doesn’t mind my bad voice. Though, maybe, just maybe, his 25% hearing loss has something to do with it.
Last weekend, my husband and I were out of town when our son came down with a fever. My niece was babysitting and I told her to give him Tylenol. Apparently when she got the Tylenol out of the container, she referred to them as “bad boys”. As in, ‘Let’s see if these bad boys will make you feel better’.
So this past week, we gave our son Tylenol and he would call them “bad boys”. And now, my husband belts out the theme from COPS every time he medicates him. My son wants me to sing, but in my quiet voice I’m doubting the criminals would be all that intimidated.
I was just finishing up the laundry when my husband asked, “Did you wash my collars?”
“Collars? Was I supposed to do something special with your collars?”
“I needed my collars washed?”
“Well, I did the laundry.”
“But, did you wash my collars?”
“As in they had rings around them?”
“No! As in COLORS!”
When you marry a southern gentleman, sometimes you need a translator.
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