I was going to write a post tonight about how my mom told my 10 year old son that she has a lot of bumps and bruises and he asked, “Why?”

She said, “Because I’m a klutz.”

Then he said, “Oh, I thought it was because you’re old … and a klutz.”

But, when I logged in to start writing, I noted the date. I started blogging here on June 26, 2007. It’s my five-year blogoversary!

A lot has changed since then. A whole lot. Mostly, that my husband thought blogging was a huge waste of time and now HE’S ALL FOR IT. Of all the things I’ve been right about, I’m glad it was blogging. Okay, it’s the only thing I’ve been right about, but I should get extra credit for it!

I have told countless stories like the one up there, because OHBOY does my son like to hurl insults. Of course, now that he’s ten instead of five, I feel like I need to tell people it’s because of his sub-threshold autism, and not just because he’s rotten. Though, he is that too. He’s still about the same size as he was five years ago, but not much else has changed.

My daughter has gone from eight to thirteen. That’s, like, a whole lifetime. *eye roll* She’ll be going to college in five years. SHUT UP! Don’t say that! Oh, I said that? Well, take note people, THAT’S how fast it goes. Blink and your kids are grown. Also, when you’re 41 years old instead of 36, you blink and you sprout a gray chin hair.

More than anything I want to say thank you to the most amazing, fabulous, delightful, kind, funny, faithful readers and commenters in the blogosphere. You are good people.

If I’m really lucky, you’ll still be around when I’m old and klutzy.

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School has been out for 18 days and my head hasn’t exploded. I’d say that’s a win.

Of course, this is not for my kids’ lack of trying. They have given it their all, what with the constant bickering and sometimes kicking. There may have also been biting, but I haven’t confirmed they were actual teeth-marks.

It wasn’t that long ago that they loved each other. I remember it! I don’t remember a lot (*waves at Ambien*), but I do remember that there was once affection and kindness where now there is none.

Sigh.

My mom tells me this is normal; that because my sisters were so much older than me, I was like an only child and I didn’t have the benefit of squabbling with a sibling. I do, however, remember two of my sisters fighting. I was 5, they were 18 and 20. I don’t recall much other than our toy-fox terrier taking a bite out of one of their ankles and there weren’t a lot of fists being thrown. Scratches and hair-pulling, yes. Punches, no. At least it was a fair fight.

In my house, with an average-size 13 year old and a 10 year old who can still get into amusement parks for free, my daughter has an unfair advantage; at least in the height-department. My son makes up for this with his skilled mind tricks though. Like when he purposely falls over his sister’s foot and claims she tripped him.

He also knows exactly how to push her buttons and how to irritate her with maximum efficiency and little effort. Just for the record, he inherited that trait from his dad. Last night, my husband asked me out of the blue, “So, would you be mad at me if I tried bath salts? My guy, stirring up trouble since 1971.

People, please tell me that the arguing will stop someday and my kids will love each other again. If you feel like being generous, tell me that day will be soon.

My mental health is depending on it.

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Just over 14 years ago, we purchased a house that needed some TLC. Or, we can call it what it really was; a complete tear-down and rebuild. Same difference. We replaced water lines, plumbing, wiring, windows, walls, the roof (twice), put in a new patio, put up a fence and refinished floors. At the end of the process we had a brand new kitchen, three new bathrooms and a mountain of debt.

Then I had a 2 lb. 9 oz. baby and quit my job. Our timing? It’s impeccable.

We didn’t use top-of-the line products as we went through our renovation, so things are starting to fall apart around here. As time, dogs and children have torn things down, we’ve had to put them back up as best we can. Buying new is out of the question and if any work has to be done, it must be done by us.

Therein lies the problem. I don’t have the time and my husband doesn’t have the desire. May I remind you of his microwave repair?

I recently attempted the tear-out and replacement of the caulk in my shower. I thought I did a pretty good job, but a few weeks later, it started to peel away. Yesterday, I spent the afternoon tearing it out again.

And, I feel that in the interest of self-disclosure I should show you that my husband isn’t the only one who takes short-cuts.

Because until I have the time to do this job right, it’s duct tape and trash bags for us.

Who knows, it may catch on?

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I spent a little bit of time tidying up our yard this weekend. This mostly involved spending money that we don’t have on a new patio umbrella and hanging baskets to dot the flowerbeds.

In my defense, when we purchased our last umbrella I think we were drunk, because it’s mesh. Mesh. You may not know this, but mesh doesn’t do a good job of blocking out the sun. Now you know. You’re welcome.

My husband also spent some time putting up his new golf net. Though we live in the city and don’t have a huge yard, our former neighbor had a simple, pop-up, golf net that he was able to use in the small spot of grass behind his house. This is what I was expecting.

Instead, I looked out the window to see my husband and the kids with poles and banners and realized this wasn’t anything simple.

Or, little.

At least it partially hides the unpainted fence.

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