While riding in the car last night my seven year old son said, “Mom, I can’t decide if I want to be a vet or a magician when I grow up.”
He paused briefly then said, “So I think I’m just going to become a magician and make pets disappear.”
Forget your troubles; come read about mine
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EmailMy family has always used Portuguese words when referring to things you wouldn’t want other people to hear you say in public. Mainly, this is done for private body parts and private body functions.
Though a Brazilian neighbor of my sister recently told us we were pronouncing almost everything incorrectly, and that the endearing phrase we use with our toddlers doesn’t sound as sweet when you find out that we are not saying, “Come here and let me pinch your behind.” Instead we are saying, “Come here and let me pinch your ass.”
My husband has accepted this odd vernacular, with the exception of a couple of “boy parts”. Instead of using (mangled) Portuguese, he has taught our seven year old son to say, “balls” as if the kid has morphed into a 45 year old Italian. It’s like having a miniature Marlon Brando standing in my living room. “Mom, the lining of my sailboat bathing suit is really hurting my BAWLZ.”
But last week, things changed a little. At the cabin where we were vacationing, there was a hot tub. My husband explained that it isn’t okay for boys to spend time lounging in a hot tub because the extreme temperature can hurt the “little babies” he has inside him.
When we said there were babies our son took us literally. Though he didn’t grasp the concept that there were millions of them, but instead assumed that each testicle was a child. He even named them. Racer and Jennifer. I spent an entire evening trying to get him to understand that Racer and Jennifer would not come out when he pees.
The next day, we were at the pool when my husband noticed our son had stopped swimming and was talking to a woman sitting on the edge. She kept looking over her shoulder at us and smiling. Eventually, I called to him, “Go back to swimming and let that nice lady relax.”
The woman turned and waved. Then she said, “It’s okay! He’s telling me about his babies.”
It is late Monday night and my family and I just got home from two days at Cedar Point, in Sandusky, Ohio which is arguably the best amusement park in the world. Here are my observations…
1. If you have any short-shorts, then by all means, wear them! They are best paired with a halter top and a large belly.
2. People with dirty toenails shouldn’t wear sandals.
3. When you stand in line for an hour with thousands of people in 95 degree heat, things are going to get real stinky.
4. I hate ferris wheels.
5. I love roller coasters.
6. $4.15 for a 22 ounce fountain drink is a complete rip-off.
7. My inner ear isn’t what it used to be.
8. Dramamine is awesome!
9. When your seven year old son will only ride in things that are red, you may want to call his doctor to further discuss his OCD tendencies.
10. You might be in such a huge hurry to get into the park in the morning, that at the end of the day you will forget where you parked. Then you will cry.
11. The shower you take after a day at the amusement park is the best shower you will ever take.
12. When your son bursts into tears and says, “I want to live at Cedar Point!” all of the above will be totally worth it.
While driving the car, I looked in the rear view mirror to see my seven year old son lean slowly across the back seat toward his older sister. His movements were deliberate so as not to be seen by me.
Then in a hushed tone I heard him say, “Hey, Sis. Let’s play slug bug so I can slug you.”
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