A few days ago, my husband, the kids and I were watching an MSNBC show called, “My Kid Would Never Do That.” The show has hidden cameras and tempts kids with things like a stranger who pulls up in an ice cream truck and offers them a Drumstick and a tour of the ice cream truck. I’m 40 and I would probably still fall for that.

The episode we were watching was focused on peer pressure and cheating on a test. There was a group of kids, with two actors planted among them, who kept urging the non-actors to look up answers on smartphones or, conveniently, on the answer sheet which was attached to the test. I’m 40 and I would probably…oh, you get the picture.

As any parents would, we used this as an opportunity to discuss honesty with our kids. I asked my nine year old what he would do in the same situation. He said, “I would look around for cameras and if I saw them, then I wouldn’t cheat.”

I appreciated his honesty, but this wasn’t the answer I was going for.

We spent some time discussing right and wrong and why it’s important to never lie. I explained that once someone lies to you, you have a hard time ever trusting them again.

Apparently, he got it.

This morning he was singing to me. That’s right, he occasionally breaks into song. Sometimes it’s Broadway, sometimes it’s Busta Rhymes. Same difference. So, this morning he was singing, “You are the most beautiful mom! Yes, you are the most beautiful mom!”

Then he suddenly stopped and said, “Oh, wait” and when he continued serenading me, he had new lyrics.

As he held his hands against his heart to show me that he meant it sincerely, he said, “I should have sang, you are the best mom! Yes, you are the best mom.”

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One of my son’s many quirks is that he takes everything literally. Literally.

To him, “The rain is falling in sheets” means exactly that; water-filled bedsheets, falling from the sky. Butterflies in stomachs, bulls in china shops, and saying that someone is in the same boat, have all lead to lengthy discussions about figurative speech.

So, does anyone want to guess what happened when he was reading “Socks” by Beverly Cleary and I told him to put his socks down the laundry chute?

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I have a friend who told me that her nine year old son’s recent growth spurt has her mourning the loss of her little boy. After she mentioned it, I picked up my glass (the one that was sitting there half-full) and I realized that one of the benefits of having a child who is almost ten, but who is the size of a kindergartner, is that he still fits in my lap.

Yesterday morning, my son climbed into a chair with me and sprawled out across my legs. While I sipped coffee and scanned the newspaper, he reclined his head against my shoulder and read the comics. We sat like that for a while. I don’t know how long he had been staring up at me when I finally noticed.

I smiled and gave him a kiss on the top of his head and asked, “Are you finished with the comics?”

He nodded and said, “Yeah.”

Then I looked in to my coffee cup and saw it was half-empty as he remarked, “Oh, and Mom? You have really big nostrils.”

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My nine year old son is good at making fast-friends, especially with adult women who tend to think he’s younger than he is. His personality combined with the stature of a five year old give off an aura of charm and vulnerability that men three times his age wish they could evoke.

He’s slick, I tell you. I took him to Urgent Care on Saturday and in under 30 minutes he had been given three different frozen treats by three different nurses and then he got one for the road. He worked the rooms so well they were practically throwing Flavor-Ice at him

So, I have to admit that his behavior was shocking when Ree Drummond, also known as The Pioneer Woman, came to town last week. If you don’t know Ree, she is a NY Times best-selling author, host of her own Food Network show, amazing photographer, home-schooler and blogger. She’s also smart, funny, pretty, generous and kind. I hate her a little bit.

Oh, okay…that’s not true. I hate her a lot. Oh, okay…that’s not true either. I love her! And. So. Does. My. Kid.

Although I assured my son that she is a friend of mine and a regular person through-and-through, when I told him she was in town for a book signing and he was going to get a chance to meet her, he got a little star-struck.

Honestly, I should have known. He loves Ree’s Food Network show so much that he actually talks to her as if she is in the corner of our living room. He smiles at the screen, he giggles, he swoons. On the day of their meeting, he came out of school yelling about going to see her and said that he was going to run from the car and give her a hug. When we arrived at the book store, he hurried to the back room where she was waiting…

And, then he hid behind my leg.

He slowly crept out, but wouldn’t dare look at her. I don’t know if he was smitten or scared, because the only other time I’ve seen him look like this was on a first grade field trip to the zoo when his teacher told him not to make eye contact with the gorillas.

But, Ree knew how to bring out the flirt in him. “Aw shucks, Ree!”

When he finally decided that he was ready for a hug, he prepared for it by creating a decent distance between the two of them, then running and jumping into her arms. That’s my boy. Dramatic much?

I bet if she had Flavor-Ice, she would have been tossing it in his direction.

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