One of the greatest things about my son’s PDD-NOS is that he doesn’t care what anyone thinks, of course this is also one of the worst things, but I’m choosing to stay positive.

Right now he is sprawled out on the floor singing songs from The Prince of Egypt. “Deliver us out of bondage and deliver us to the promised laaaaaaaand…” There is something to be said for being so shameless. Not that he needs to be – his voice is quite good – much better than his mother’s, anyway.

Though I’m not jealous of his struggles, I’m jealous of the freedom he is afforded. He does things I’m not brave enough to attempt. The other night at his cousin’s wedding, while I hid from the videographer, my son was dancing like there was no one watching. Of course, everyone was.

this was taken at another cousin’s wedding. the kid gets around.

It’s great to see him oblivious to the criticism of others and doing what feels natural. If he wants to sing, he sings. If he wants to dance, he dances. I’ve always said that I’d love to skip for exercise, but the idea of people turning their heads in disbelief holds me back. As does social media. I’d need a little of his carefree nature to actually skip down the street. A LOT of his carefree nature, actually. And maybe some liquor.

My son is not confined by the word “normal.” This child, crooning about slavery on my dining room floor, is not actually bound at all.

It kind of makes me want to sing.

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Back at my first BlogHer conference in 2009, an afternoon of margaritas with friends turned into Melisa pulling a clown nose from her purse. and this happened.

photo courtesy of the lovely PiperofLove

Since then it’s become a tradition for me to don a clown nose each year. Though my face is a little chubbier, my wrinkles a lot deeper and my dark circles…well…darker, the clown nose is a consistent feature in my annual photos.

So I probably shouldn’t have been surprised when my son dressed up as a clown for Halloween and my daughter took his picture only to have her phone ask this question.

At next year’s conference, I’m wearing these pants.

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My son has suddenly decided that he wants to draw pictures all the time. Mostly, he’s been sketching pumpkins, bats, ghosts, and tombstones in preparation for Halloween. Last night he asked for more spooky ideas so I told him to try his hand at a witch.

He didn’t know where to start, so I quickly drew my interpretation. Don’t worry, I won’t quit my day job. After I saw how bad it looked, I asked his dad to give it a try.

Then our son asked us if all witches have penises.

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I was listening to one of my favorite CDs the other day, when I realized I hadn’t really introduced it to my 14 year old daughter. She has heard me belting out a few of the songs here and there, but she hasn’t sat down and listened to the achingly beautiful lyrics while crying about unrequited love. Because you can’t truly understand music until a guy dumps you before prom, but after you’ve bought the dress.

So I got to thinking, what if I died tomorrow and my daughter didn’t know about this CD? Because that’s the next logical thought for me; not that I won’t be around to meet my grandchildren, but that she won’t know how life changing Aretha Franklin can be.

In order to sleep tonight I need to get these items off my chest, so here in no particular order and without too much explanation (ain’t nobody got time for that) are the 10 things my daughter needs to know, understand or experience in case of my untimely demise.

1. This is what started it all, and for my benefit we will call this an album. It’s Aretha’s Gold. Actually, you should call it, Aretha’s Gold, Baby.

2. Don’t wear too much makeup. The real you is the one with the dark circles and splotchy skin. Oh wait, that’s the real me. Regardless, you can’t see your own face. Makeup was created so other people would find you attractive and if they don’t find you attractive unless you’re slathered in foundation, they are the ones who are ugly. Deep, deep in their soul.

3. Don’t ever let a person lay their hands on you without your permission, whether it’s affection or violence, it must be on your terms. If it isn’t, move swiftly and surely away from the situation and DO NOT GO BACK. Your little brother giving you hugs does not count. But, for everyone other than your brother let me say it again, DO NOT GO BACK. People don’t change, or get better, or didn’t mean it. DO NOT GO BACK.

4. It really doesn’t matter how the laundry is folded or how the dishwasher is loaded. Let it go. Let people help you.

5. Never underestimate the value of looking someone in the eye, good table manners, and saying thank you.

6. Joni Mitchell’s album, Blue. Turn it up. Get the tissues.

7. Have empathy for others. Imagine yourself in their shoes. Turning the tables does wonders for our natural inclination to judge people.

8. Never put off doing something because you don’t like the way you look. Don’t stay home because of a pimple, or worry about putting on a swimsuit because you’ve gained weight. Life is really, really short. I lost out on having a lot of fun during my 30s because I was self-conscious and I can’t get that decade back. Joni Mitchell probably wrote a song about this.

9. I’m running out of room! Take a deep breath and read this all at once. Laugh every day, travel as much as you can, go to church, work at a job you like, always do some form of exercise, wear sunscreen, and don’t do drugs (like, don’t even try them because your brain might be all, “That’s pretty sweet!” and it’s all downhill from there). Oh, and floss. Always floss.

10. Know that I love you more than sunshine and that’s really saying something.

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