My son has suddenly decided that he wants to draw pictures all the time. Mostly, he’s been sketching pumpkins, bats, ghosts, and tombstones in preparation for Halloween. Last night he asked for more spooky ideas so I told him to try his hand at a witch.
He didn’t know where to start, so I quickly drew my interpretation. Don’t worry, I won’t quit my day job. After I saw how bad it looked, I asked his dad to give it a try.
Then our son asked us if all witches have penises.
You know what’s awesome? Having fabulous, talented, generous friends.
You know what’s extra awesome? Having fabulous, talented, generous friends who want to give my readers free stuff!
Meet Ree.
I know, I know, some of you are saying, “Hello, Momo? We KNOW Ree, thankyouverymuch. She’s only a best-selling author and the host of her own Food Network show. Duh.” But, maybe there are a few of you out there who don’t know the wonderfulness of this blogger turned multi-media superstar. And, as you can see from that picture – complete goofball.
If you don’t know her, you’ll want to read this. My son thinks she makes the sun rise and set.
Now let me say that Ree is a great friend. She’s smart, kind, funny, and she likes wine. That’s pretty much all I ask for. But, more importantly, she changed the way I prepare food for my family. Like completely.
She just released her third cookbook and like the two that preceded it, it’s chock full of delicious, easy recipes that anyone can make. Sure you’ve heard “delicious, easy recipes” before, but those were lies. LIES, I tell you! I have never made one of her dishes that wasn’t a huge hit, nor have any of them taken me more than 15-20 minutes to prepare (not counting cooking time because she’s not a magician, but give her time and she’ll have that mastered too).
Isn’t this the cutest picture? It’s of Ree keynoting at BlogHer ’13 and explaining to the audience how much she loves me. “I love Momo THIS MUCH.” (Photo credit: BlogHer)
In the meantime, while we’re waiting for her to learn how to pull a rabbit out of her hat, THREE lucky readers will get a signed copy of “The Pioneer Woman Cooks: A Year of Holidays” to read, and dog-ear, and highlight, and get grease and flour all over. Hypothetically.
Enter for your chance to win by leaving a comment telling me your favorite holiday dish (any holiday, any dish) and/or tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
Good luck and happy cooking!
I have been known, on occasion, to get a serious case of the giggles. My husband says it isn’t so much giggling as it is cackling, but I prefer to think of myself as demure. Mostly because I prefer lies.
A few nights ago, my daughter taped one of my laughing fits. Ironically, I was laughing this hard because she wasn’t laughing. I kept saying, “How can you not think this laughing is hilarious?” Because, clearly, it was. You can’t see me, but you can hear me. You can definitely hear me.
See? Demure.
Because I think a good chuckle is good for the soul I’m sharing some of my recent favorites from Twitter, and by recent I mean from the last year. I’m 42; February was recent. Enjoy.
I like Little Miss Muffet. She's got a whey about her.
— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) September 1, 2013
Finally on plane leaving South Bend airport. I now know how they felt at the end of Argo.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 30, 2013
Can't get a Choco Taco at a Taco Bell anymore, but people still ask me to fax them documents. This is not progress.
— Roo Ciambriello (@roociambriello) August 16, 2013
Pregnant cousin who says she will NEVER have an epidural or c-section says she also will never, ever, ever dye her hair. *grabs popcorn*
— Leah, agirlandaboy (@agirlandaboy) August 29, 2013
herringbone, two kinds of stripes, lace, floral, and my pants are staple-hemmed. bet I get a raise today.
— keply (@MmeSurly) August 27, 2013
Stuck on the side of the road really regretting replacing my spare tire with an emergency cheese wheel.
— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) July 24, 2013
If you put your hospital gown on backwards and wander into the lobby the doctors will let you stay another night.
— Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) June 27, 2013
I love that Dora's mom is such a steadfast free range parent. Yet, part of me wants to scream YOUR BABY'S ALONE IN THE WOODS WITH A MONKEY!
— Arnebya Herndon (@whatnowandwhy) June 18, 2013
Really enjoying this "I don't care if you live or die, I need a ride to my friend's house" stage my kids are going through.
— Vi King (@TheBlessMess) June 17, 2013
Apparently when I say "HURRY!!!!!", my son hears "carefully assess".
— Alissa Enders (@AlissaEnders) March 28, 2013
Be a writer, kids! Have unfinished homework until you die!
— Annabel Oakes (@annabeloakes) February 13, 2013
I hope you cackled.
Last week, my husband dropped off some homegrown tomatoes at my mom’s house and she asked him to look at her dog’s belly, where she had felt something…odd. When he came home he said, “There’s something wrong with your mom’s dog. He has some weird growth on his stomach. I looked at it and it’s the strangest thing. It feels like a pencil.”
My mom, who is more attached to her dog than she is to her crossword puzzles – and that’s really saying something – called me the next day in tears. “Did you hear about Cappy? He has this hard growth and I don’t know what it is. I’m taking him to the vet tomorrow.”
Because it’s easy for me and my Zoloft to say, I reassured her. “Mom, don’t worry about it until you talk to the vet. It could just be a cyst. Blue had a whole bunch of them and they were nothing.” This didn’t do anything to alleviate her fears.
That evening I went to her house for dinner and offered to take a look at this thing. I was prepared to be grossed out because my sister had looked too, and she mentioned that it had an open sore.
But, it turned out that all the people who had already touched this thing were the ones who were grossed out, because that growth that felt like a pencil and had an opening – the growth that my mom, sister and husband had examined and touched? It was the dog’s penis.
And I will never let them live it down.
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