My 11 year old daughter and I were discussing the insane amount of dog hair our vacuum picks up when I told her that after our puppy dies, her dad and I will likely never get another dog.
“But, you have to get another dog!”, she cried.
I asked, “Why do you care? By the time Daisy gets old, you and your brother will probably have moved out of the house.”
Then she replied, “Because when we come home from Hollywood or New York to visit, we’ll want to have a dog to play with.”
When my daughter was two years old, I was making the bed one day when she came out of our bathroom chugging a glass of water.
I said, “Boy, you sure are thirsty!” Then I realized that I hadn’t heard any water running. I walked over to find a liquid trail from the doorway to where she had dunked her cup into the toilet. But, at least it was clean water. You know, with that bleach tablet in the tank and all.
Other than that, and my son once taking a sip of dishwasher rinse aid, I haven’t had to call poison control. However, if there was an emergency service to ask whether the dogs were going to die because of something they ate, I would have it on speed-dial.
Our 11 year old Labrador has been the worst culprit. There was the time she ate an enormous, solid, chocolate bunny, the time a chicken bone slipped out of my fingers and she caught it in mid-air and swallowed it whole, and my personal favorite…when she ate a breast pad when I was pumping for my daughter. By the way, there is something infinitely wonderful about a man who will go through the dog’s poop to make sure your breast pad hasn’t entangled itself in the mutt’s intestines. Hi honey!
As for the new puppy…she has a penchant for dead squirrels, dead birds and my son’s vomit.
And, that bleach-filled toilet water? It turns out the dogs like that too. I suppose I should count my blessings because my kids never ate any breast pads.
Tell me boys and girls, what’s the worst thing your kids (or pets) have ever ingested?
To my son:
“Maybe if you would have gone to the bathroom when I told you to, I wouldn’t be standing in the shower holding your piece of cheese and trying to wash my hair one-handed!”
“Is that stain on your jacket from when you threw up phlegm at recess or is it a blood stain from yesterday’s loose tooth?”
“Hurry up and go poop!”
To the puppy:
“Get your butt off my new throw pillow!”
“Get your butt off my laptop!”
“Hurry up and go poop!”
To my daughter:
“The puppy ate your soccer ball.”
To a newly purchased cleaning product:
“Your bottle says ‘streak-free shine’. You are not streak-free shining.”
To the television:
“Wow. Rick Springfield has had some work done.”
To my husband, when he asked me suggestively what was for dessert:
“Chocolate chip cookies.”
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