posted by Momo Fali on October 7, 2010
So, you know how you go to work in the school cafeteria in your $100 shoes that you bought because your plantar fasciitis was really acting up, and then suddenly the hip you’ve had problems with since you were 19 years old decides to make you start limping like you’re elderly, and then you go home to find your one year old dog got your bottle of Ambien off of the counter and REMOVED THE CHILDPROOF LID, and you think that you can’t call the vet because she will insist that you bring her in and they’ll pump her stomach and it will cost you $800 and the dog will still die, so you look it up online and see that you should induce vomiting, so you give the dog some Hydrogen Peroxide and then she vomits the entire world in your backyard while you’re walking around holding your ears and singing, “La-la, I can’t hear you making that hacking sound and re-eating your own vomit”, and then you go pick up your kids at school and your son has a fever and he cries so hard that he throws up too.
Yeah, me too.
posted by Momo Fali on July 9, 2010
1. When it’s almost 100 degrees and your son wants to walk around wearing nothing but underwear all day, you might just let him.
2. And, you might join him.
3. Which can be awkward when the Fed Ex guy rings your doorbell.
4. The row of zits across your hairline caused by perpetual sweat beads will try hard to outdo the mosquito bite on your forehead.
5. Then you may find yourself wishing you still had bangs.
6. Two panting dogs can make a real mess.
7. It’s possible to drink 10 glasses of ice water in a day and still feel like there is sand in your mouth.
8. When it’s time to leave your son’s baseball game and you see everyone stand up and do a little shimmy, you may think they’re dancing.
9. But, they’re really just trying to dry out their crotches.
posted by Momo Fali on June 18, 2010
So, you know how your husband’s transmission needs to be repaired and the bill is over $2000, and that same night you realize that your refrigerator stopped working, and then then next day your car won’t start and you can’t even get your hood open, so you have to wait for AAA to come rescue you, and then your dog jumps up to get a ball off of the mantle, because that’s where balls belong, and she knocks down your big picture and a crystal candle holder, you know…the one that’s part of a pair…and there are glass shards everywhere, but that’s okay because you have plenty of time to pick them up since the refrigerator repairman said he’d be there sometime between 8:00 and 5:00?
Yeah. Me too.
posted by Momo Fali on April 9, 2010
Once upon a time there was a mistress named Momo who had two kids and a second set of kids who liked to do things like drink toilet water, eat squirrel poop and steal hamburgers right off the grill. That second set of kids are of the canine variety, though it is true that Momo’s daughter also drank toilet water. Just that one time.
One day, Momo had the opportunity to attend a pet-blogging conference where she could meet a lot of wonderful writers, and pet owners, and companies with representatives who might just know what you can put on one dog’s food to make the other dog stop eating its poop.
Momo’s dogs were quite happy about this event! They were hoping that mistress Momo would bring home some treats, and some more treats, but more than anything they hoped she would come home and just throw the dang ball already.
The End.
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