What happens when you take Queen Latifah, Sheryl Sandberg, Wendi McClendon-Covey (of Bridesmaids fame), Randi Zuckerberg, Gale Anne-Hurd (as in the writer/producer of Terminator, and producer of AMC’s The Walking Dead), many, many more talented and inspirational speakers, hundreds of brands, and thousands of bloggers?

Why, BlogHer ’13 of course.

Now imagine the logistics of all of that; the food (including vegan and gluten-free options), signage, transportation, set-up, registration, social media, programming, promotion, and every last detail down to a lactation lounge, a fashion show, a shipping station, and transcribed session content – and imagine all of it being managed by a staff of about 15 people. That, folks, is really where I’ve been.

Let’s put it this way, I picked up a copy of USA Today on Thursday and didn’t even get a chance to read this article until Sunday.

oh hi, those are my bosses in USA Today.

U – S – A – Today.

So it’s weird, you know? It’s weird to have the cell phone numbers of those three women, or be a fangirl of all these big name speakers and Food Network stars like Ree Drummond who is actually one of your greatest friends. Just so you know, it’s possible to be inspired by Ree AND pose for a picture with her in which you accidentally move Anissa’s wheelchair with your breast. Yes, that happened. (Thanks for the photo, Cecily.)

Cecily, Ree, Dresden, Katherine, Rachael, Anissa, and me. Awkward.

It’s weird to only see your co-workers a couple of times a year. Or have the opportunity to hang out with your co-worker/BBFF/Bedazzler-Extraordinaire, Melisa and be TOTALLY fine with walking around in the shirt she made you. She, literally, can not help herself. I love her.

totally fine, because it was awesome!

And, it’s odd that I speak on panels with unbelievably powerful women, with great stories and amazing hair.

Seriously, how did I get to here?

It’s strange to have one of Forbes’ Most Powerful Women in the World sitting just feet away when she gives you a great quote like this:

.@sherylsandberg "Next time u are going to call your daughter Bossy, take a deep breath/say she has executive leadership skills" #BlogHer13

— BlogHer Conferences (@BlogHerEvents) July 27, 2013

— BlogHer Conferences (@BlogHerEvents) July 27, 2013

It’s crazy to walk through the Expo Hall at the conference and get a manicure from Kiss USA, grab a drink from Dailey’s Cocktails (or Turning Leaf, or Moskato Life, or Yellow Tail), pet a puppy from ASPCA, check out a generator from Ryobi Tools, swoon over We Montage, and fall so deeply in love with the Shark Sonic Duo that you almost grabbed it and ran.

I got products I love (and will buy again) from some of them, and from Windex, White Cloud, Samsung, Folgers, ULTA Beauty, Walgreens, CLR, Jamba Juice, Orbit Gum, and Budweiser’s STRAW-BER-ITA. As a matter of fact, I want a STRAW-BER-ITA right-NOW-er-ita. I also learned about the good work of companies like Etymotic and Camp Wonder, supported generously by Cetaphil. Social good makes me warm and fuzzy.

I think the brands were better than ever this year and they GOT IT. They understood that blogs and social media are the new front porch/back fence/water-coolers of the world. Trust me, if I like something I’m sure as heck going to tell you so. And, who would’ve thought that 10 years ago? Uh, no one. See? More weirdness.

So, it’s surreal; this enormous gathering of (mostly) women from all over the world who affect change, share stories, and influence people online. It’s the only place I’ve ever been where it isn’t considered rude to pull out your phone in the middle of a conversation and send a tweet. Bloggers are nothing if not multi-taskers. We are often simultaneously posting to Twitter, Facebook, IM, and email. While we’re making dinner. And, picking up after our kids.

In all it’s weirdness, though, BlogHer is the one time of year where everything is familiar. It’s my people. We are writers, educators, brand ambassadors, and a hundred other labels, but above all we are bloggers.

And, I will own that weirdness all day long.

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Has it been a week since I last posted? Wow. Time flies when you’re freaking out.

Let’s review the last seven days, shall we?

* It was really, really hot. Like, go out and water the flowers at 7:30am and come back in looking like you ran through the sprinkler, but it’s-really-just-sweat-hot. I killed four plants last week. Two of mine and two of my neighbor’s. My daughter and I were even tag-teaming the neighbor’s flowers and we still killed them. Call us to watch your house!

* I drank a lot of STRAW-BER-ITAS. Have you had one? Full disclosure: They are a BlogHer ’13 sponsor, but that’s not why I’m telling you how good they are. They’re just really good. So, I drank a lot of them. The end.

yo’. I’ll see you again soon.

* I can’t remember the last time I did the dishes. It’s good to have a 14 year old.

* I went to the doctor for my numb hand and got, what I thought was a steroid shot, but it was in fact Ketamine (an anesthetic). I slept pretty well that night. NOW, I’m on steroids. And, my hand is still numb and I’m kind of raging, but my cheeks are rosy!

* Out of desperation for happy conference feet, I bought a pair of Birkenstocks from Zappos. I’m happy they have free returns.

* My in-laws visited. I love them. A friend of mine lost both of her in-laws in a car accident last week. I can’t imagine the depth of that loss.

* I normally drink apple cider vinegar every day, but lately I’ve just been eating sea-salt and vinegar potato chips instead. To recap, the diet is STRAW-BER-ITAS, potato chips, and steroids.

* My daughter is so competitive that in order to break a record on one of the rides at the church festival (in which you ride in a cage and build momentum to flip over the top) she came home on Friday with the biggest blisters I’ve ever seen. About 17 of them. On Saturday, I did what any good mom would do and taped up her hands ala Rocky so she could take another shot.

* I leave for Chicago in two days and I have roughly 8,000 tasks to complete. If you don’t see me for another week, you’ll know why. Don’t blame Bud Light. It’s only half their fault.

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I knew I had screwed something up the second it happened.

I placed my elbow onto my desk last week and felt a shooting pain from mid-arm to my fingertips. Actually, it was more like I had shocked myself; not so much painful as much as an electrical sensation akin to touching a live current. We live in an old house. That happens frequently.

By the next morning, my ring finger and pinkie were numb, but I worked through it for a few days. After near-complete keyboard rest on Saturday, it was even worse on Sunday.

The sensation is now up my arm, three fingers are numb and my palm feels like it’s waking up after a long rest. When I bend my left elbow I feel a jolt of nerve something that nearly brings me to my knees. It’s like hitting your funny bone times infinity. When I reached back to wash my hair this morning, I felt like there was a toaster in the shower with me.

Pretend you don’t see the stack of papers, the discarded mouse battery, discarded mouse, the book I still haven’t finished, the seed packets, or the dental floss from the piece of apple lodged in my son’s teeth last week. This is about my arm!

It hurts mostly when I bend it or place it on a hard surface, so I’m doing a lot of standing while I type. After a visit to Urgent Care, an anti-inflammatory prescription, some grocery store wrist and elbow braces, and neck pillow under my forearm, this is what I look like. I’m moving a lot like stiff-armed Frankenstein; spilling water, knocking over vases, basically monstrous. So I have that going for me.

This is Cubital Tunnel Syndrome and it’s not pretty. Especially not a week before the biggest event of my work year. But, then again, that’s how I roll.

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It has come to the time of year when it’s not abnormal for me to work 17 hour days; forcing my children to occasionally heat up my coffee, rub my neck as I sit at my desk to keep me awake, then walk on my back when I eventually collapse to the floor. Right now my meals mostly consist of licorice and Oreos and I’ve been wearing the same pants for three days. Enough said.

This is my busy season which means my husband and my mom take over childcare, the dog doesn’t get petted, and when my 14 year old daughter is asked…GASP…to do chores.

Of course, she doesn’t want to do chores, she wants to text, read, go to the pool, go to the movies, have sleepovers, go for bike rides, and sleep in.

And, I let her.

Why? Because this is likely the last summer she’ll have, for the rest of her life, without a job. She still earns money from babysitting and pays her own way on all of the above mentioned excursions, so she’s not getting a completely free ride. Occasionally she does the dishes and cleans the bathrooms, though the cleaning of the toilet by a 14 year old isn’t done nearly as well as it is by a 42 year old. There is an “ew” factor she can’t seem to overcome.

Even though I threatened her with laundry-folding, dinner-cooking, and endless vacuuming during my conference season, I’m really a total sucker for letting a kid be a kid. What do you think? Am I letting her off too easy while the mess piles up around us?

I can’t help but think the clock will soon strike midnight…and I want her to have just one last dance.

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