The past few weeks have been tough; not as tough as I thought they would be because there is some peace that comes after the kind of anxiety I was facing. Not knowing where your future lies is terrifying – and that’s where I was for months. At least now I know where I stand – squarely on the other side of the door.
I have continued running to lift my spirits (and my hind end), I have been making my bed every day, buying healthy food, going to church, showering, working and fixing things around my apartment. I am in constant contact with friends and family whose love and support are a lifeline. I am moving. I don’t know if I’m moving forward yet, but it’s at least in some direction.
The other day, I even put on lipstick.
That afternoon, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror by my front door and thought, this is no beauty queen, but considering what I’ve been through, it will do just fine. My hair was curled, my green eyes weren’t red and puffy, my cheeks weren’t splotchy, my under-eye, black circles were reduced to sepia. This? This was progress.
I plastered on a smile and took a picture for proof. My mother, she worries.
And, then I saw it.
Do you see it? Look. LOOOOOOOOOK.
It’s chicken neck. Leathery, wrinkly, 43-year old chicken neck. I had a momentary pause, mouth agape, at what was staring back at me from my phone. Where did that come from?
Then I realized how I ended up with skin that makes roosters swoon. That patch of neck is from too many days of soaking up delicious, warm, wonderful sunshine.
It’s from sitting at my daughter’s softball games, taking my son to the pool, drinking warm Natural Light on spring break. That chicken neck is a badge of honor for so many great times, I can’t even count. It’s a reminder that there are good, smooth, carefree times even when it appears everything is wrinkled.
It’s also a clear sign I need to up the SPF.
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Elisa Camahort Page
I don’t even know what you are talking about. I see nothing.
Momo Fali
Oh, it’s there. It’s theeeeeeeeerrrrrre.
Leigh Ann
No chicken neck there. Remember Richard Fish from Ally McBeal who was obsessed with older women and their “waddles?” He would not give your neck a second glance.
Arnebya
Leigh Ann, I SCREAMED! I am so serious. The waddle was the first thing I thought of. And you’re right; Richard wouldn’t have glanced a second time. He’d have pursed his lips at the lack of waddle.
Carolyn Dingman
I’m so proud of you. And you make me smile. Sending you an Internet fist bump!!
Marci Rich
I hate to take issue with such a well-written and heartfelt essay, but that, my dear, is no chicken neck. It barely qualifies as chicken bone. Nope. You look lovely, radiant, and youthful. Forty-three? Bah. Come back and talk to me in sixteen years, when you’ve reached my age. Then I’ll take a gander at your neck.
Liz
Nope,don’t see it either. But I wouldn’t love you any less, chicken neck or no. And I absolutely love this post!
Headless Mom
Progress is progress, chicken neck or no.
And there is clearly no chicken neck in that picture.
big hugs my friend!
Michelle
Diane,
Bless your HEART! I know that roller-coaster. It’s an univited ride through a stream of emotions and fears that are unimaginable to someone who hasn’t been in the same exact spot that you are in right now. I know because I too, have been there. Bless your HEART for having found the good and graciousness that comes with each new day! You are an AMAZING woman, always have been and you always will be. How BLESSED are you that you are able to LOVE YOURSELF through this! You’ll look back on this time as a time of personal growth that you wouldn’t have traded the Worl for in the lessons you’ll learn. I PROMISE! And I don’t take breaking promises lightly in any way. Ever!!
Jill @BabyRabies
You truly look beautiful! Glowing, 100%.
Mona Darling
I seriously don’t have any idea what you are talking about. I see nothing.
Jennifer
Nope. No chicken neck. But a beautiful smile that I can’t wait to see this summer!! XO
Jenn
I’m still looking.
I see nothing…nothing but progress and a beautiful smile.
VDog
STAAAAHHHHHHPP. That’s no chicken neck. You look gorgeous Momo. Xoxo
Shauna Glenn
You look amazing. Truly.
lisa
Mornin! Chicken Neck, my ASS!I am a huge fan of you! I rarely am moved to comment on the dozens of blogs I follow, but I never miss reading yours. I know pain is part of the process, healing, living a day at a time is essential. YOU”RE DOING IT, and somedays, well, not so “good”, but, you were given this life because you are STRONG enough to live it. I just stole that line from a bracelet I ordered. I put it on last night and immediately felt enpowered. Keep on living Momo, best revenge
Marianne
I only see a young chick. Welcome back!
Joan
Great post. I didn’t see any chicken neck and I am wearing my glasses. Live strong my dear, you have a lot of people rooting for you.
Laura in Little Rock
Uhm, nope. I looked for someone hiding in the background, I looked for a reflection in the jewelry, never once did your neck catch my attention. Now my mom, she could make all the tendons in her neck stand out. THAT was a trick. I’ve had Bell’s Palsy since my eldest was born. My first glance at any picture is for the asymmetry of my face.
…and yes, I immediately thought of Ally McBeal and Richard Fish, but you don’t qualify.
Dee Dee B.
LOVE seeing your beautiful smile!
alexandra
I just see that smile.
Marianne
That is no chicken neck! You look beautiful! My mom, who is 95, SHE has a chicken neck. 43 is young, believe me. Sending prayers your way for continued strength and happiness.
Andy
Di, you got more beautiful with age! You have an amazing sense of humor and you are an amazing writer! You have nothing to worry about! It’s all about what’s next!
Kari
I think you’re making it up.
I see nothing.
Well, I see a beautiful woman but no chicken bawk bawk of which you refer.
Karen Wade
Girl,
You have NO Chicken neck!!! That’s nothing!!! I love you. XOXO
martinacrosby
I remember the first time I noticed my chicken neck. I started to obsess and then told myself that I already obsessed over too many imperfections and I was not going to add anything more to the list. All I saw in your photo was a beautiful woman who looks better than she has looked in a long time.
Toni
I see no chicken neck, but if you get back down here to visit I promise you plenty of sun for a distant future chicken neck. Oh, and real chickens. Love the smile. You’ve got this! And if I could make it you can! Love you. XOXOX
Melinna
What is that they say in the military? You earn your stripes? Yes, we do! And our grey hair. For one more twirl of this planet on its journey around the sun…we get stripes and spots and lumps and scrapes…And the treasures we get (sunshine, children, food in our bellies, yada yada) are all worth it. Dammit.
Birdie
I had to literally zoom in 250% with glasses on to see it lol Keep rollin’ with yer hot self!
Fadra
I’m 44 and I’ve had chicken neck for over a year. I thought only OLD PEOPLE got that! I can handle the failing eyesight, the lines under my eyes, the thinning hair, the random grays, but NOT the chicken neck, If you find a cure, let me know.