I currently have the urge to do adventurous things, which is not a place I have considered being for a long, long time. In fact, I’ve been scared to do much of anything, but sometimes you come to a point where you feel you have nothing to lose.

There are certain adventures I’ve always wanted to go on. My dream is to drive across the country in an RV, end up at the Grand Canyon and canoe down the Colorado River, camping along its banks each night. That’s a pricey trip, though; I’ve looked into it. So, first I need to hit the lottery.

I’ve wanted to hike in Zion National Park, stand under redwood trees, and take a helicopter trip above an active volcano (also pricey; we looked into it).

But, more often than not, I take the safe route. Don’t get me wrong, if there’s lightning I’m taking cover, and I won’t scuba dive or jump out of an airplane – though, maybe those things will come with time. For now, I’m taking baby steps to face my fears.

This morning, I got up at 4:15am to go for a run in the dark. I never would’ve considered that before. Ever. Sure, it’s more stupid than it is adventurous, but there’s a fine line between them anyway. Fortunately, there was snow on the ground so I climbed back into bed.

Maybe it’s my age, my kids’ ages or because I’ve had to come to terms with losing myself to find myself again. I feel like I’ve been asleep for a very long time.

What’s next? I don’t know. What I do know is that I want my heart to race from something other than anxiety.

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