My son has suddenly decided that he wants to draw pictures all the time. Mostly, he’s been sketching pumpkins, bats, ghosts, and tombstones in preparation for Halloween. Last night he asked for more spooky ideas so I told him to try his hand at a witch.
He didn’t know where to start, so I quickly drew my interpretation. Don’t worry, I won’t quit my day job. After I saw how bad it looked, I asked his dad to give it a try.
Then our son asked us if all witches have penises.
Shh. Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I like to be alone. Sure I work alone, but I “talk” on social media all day and when my kids come home from school there is rarely a moment without chatter.
Don’t get me wrong; I love people and socializing, and talking – oh, can I talk – but at the end of the day I like to climb into bed and fold the adjustable mattress into what my husband calls “the taco” and relax. It’s safe and quiet there. There’s nobody asking for help with homework or telling me they’re out of underwear. I can’t even see the dirty dishes!
I know some people frown on having a television in the bedroom, but not me. I have always watched TV in bed, ever since I was little and I’d fall asleep to the Donny and Marie show. When I got older, it was Johnny Carson and when he retired I moved on to Cheers reruns. Lately, I’ve been tuning in to old episodes of Seinfeld. It’s just me, my bed and some good comedy.
See the correlation there? At the end of the day, when I’m trying to wind down and relax, I like to laugh.
The only problem is that since the kids went back to school I’ve started climbing into bed around 10:00 so I can get up earlier. There is nothing funny on at 10:00. There are news programs, reruns of murder mysteries and reality shows that aren’t fit for watching just before you close your eyes. *shudder*
This is why I’m currently addicted to House Hunters on HGTV.
My husband thinks I watch it because I want granite counter-tops, a soaking tub, and a double vanity – and I do, but more than that I enjoy the schadenfreude of watching couples bicker over linoleum and west-facing windows. Sometimes, people don’t buy houses just because of the color of the walls. You know, painting is hard.
Though it isn’t billed as a comedy, I find humor in the expectations of first-time home buyers and the commentary of their frustrated realtors who gently tiptoe around the fact that their clients are nit-picky. Brass fixtures, overhead fans, or GASP, wood paneling? Deal breakers!
Maybe it makes me feel better about the chimney, hot water heater, and furnace we recently had to replace. Maybe it makes me think that our carpet isn’t nearly as gross as it could be. Or maybe it makes me thankful that I no longer work in mortgage lending.
Either way, thank you House Hunters for the laughter and the sweet dreams. And, may I never need to go house hunting again.
You know what’s awesome? Having fabulous, talented, generous friends.
You know what’s extra awesome? Having fabulous, talented, generous friends who want to give my readers free stuff!
Meet Ree.
I know, I know, some of you are saying, “Hello, Momo? We KNOW Ree, thankyouverymuch. She’s only a best-selling author and the host of her own Food Network show. Duh.” But, maybe there are a few of you out there who don’t know the wonderfulness of this blogger turned multi-media superstar. And, as you can see from that picture – complete goofball.
If you don’t know her, you’ll want to read this. My son thinks she makes the sun rise and set.
Now let me say that Ree is a great friend. She’s smart, kind, funny, and she likes wine. That’s pretty much all I ask for. But, more importantly, she changed the way I prepare food for my family. Like completely.
She just released her third cookbook and like the two that preceded it, it’s chock full of delicious, easy recipes that anyone can make. Sure you’ve heard “delicious, easy recipes” before, but those were lies. LIES, I tell you! I have never made one of her dishes that wasn’t a huge hit, nor have any of them taken me more than 15-20 minutes to prepare (not counting cooking time because she’s not a magician, but give her time and she’ll have that mastered too).
Isn’t this the cutest picture? It’s of Ree keynoting at BlogHer ’13 and explaining to the audience how much she loves me. “I love Momo THIS MUCH.” (Photo credit: BlogHer)
In the meantime, while we’re waiting for her to learn how to pull a rabbit out of her hat, THREE lucky readers will get a signed copy of “The Pioneer Woman Cooks: A Year of Holidays” to read, and dog-ear, and highlight, and get grease and flour all over. Hypothetically.
Enter for your chance to win by leaving a comment telling me your favorite holiday dish (any holiday, any dish) and/or tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
Good luck and happy cooking!
You know how it goes. Work, cook, clean, eat, laundry. Work, cook, clean, eat, laundry. Shall I continue? No? It gets OLD, doesn’t it?
The point is, before you know it a week has passed and you haven’t posted anything on your blog. But, if history repeats itself I’ll be posting every day in November so you have that to look forward to. Though, come mid-month your feelings may lean toward the last sentence of that first paragraph.
I’m really starting to feel the funk of fall, which doesn’t help matters. Though, it’s okay because I’m combating it by eating more cookies. We are working out more, but our trainer’s favorite word is “nutrition” and I keep telling him my favorite word is “beer.” He doesn’t listen. He tells me to do more lunges and eat kale, but instead I watch House Hunters and inhale Kettle Chips.
Sure the sky is blue and the leaves are gorgeous, but I know what’s coming and my psycho psychic mind is telling me it’s going to be a nasty winter. It’s going to be cold. Yes, winter usually is cold, but I’m telling you it’s going to be exceptionally cold because I’m a walking Farmer’s Almanac, so I KNOW these things. At least we just spent $5,000 on a new furnace, so we have that going for us.
I try to fool myself by saying things like, “Mmm…this cup of tea is so soothing” or “Doesn’t the cinnamon apple cake smell delicious?” except I don’t bake. I do have a cinnamon apple cake candle, though. Basically there are attempts being made at mind tricks, but I’m trying to trick myself. The only time my mind tricks work on me is when I say, “I’m JUST going to Target to get toilet paper.”
I find myself taking increasingly long, scalding-hot showers and so do my kids, because we are trying to get the chill OUT OF OUR BONES. My husband doesn’t understand this, because while we are joyously inhaling steam all he can do is yell, “No one needs a 25 minute-long shower!” Which you probably don’t if you’re a bear like him.
In preparation for winter’s wrath I’ve been taking extra Vitamin D, which is supposed to help the immune system. My son’s new school doesn’t have any windows. NONE. There is one lonely skylight over the indoor playground, but that’s it. So, he has to take extra, extra Vitamin D because apparently parents aren’t allowed to get on the roof with a chainsaw and create more skylights; which is a dumb rule, because it’s FOR THE CHILDREN.
The solution to my lack of posting and fall-funk is probably to buy more fuzzy socks and take naps. Except I have insomnia, so I’ll need more fuzzy socks to offset the lack of sleep. Or nail polish and a new lamp. Oh, or a bedspread! Or very warm, footie pajamas. Or new boots…
Gotta go. I need to head to Target to pick up some toilet paper.
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