This week has been anxiety-ridden for me. There has been a lot of teeth-grinding, cuticle-picking, and ingestion of guacamole. I haven’t slept well either. I woke up every morning before 4:00am and when I did sleep, my dreams were filled with disastrous circumstances involving guns, seedy neighborhoods, and baby poop.

One night this week, I dreamed that my son and I were running away from a crazed man and we hightailed it down the alley where Bruce Wayne’s parents were killed and ended up hiding under the porch of a house that was supported by concrete blocks. We hid there, me with a loaded gun in my hand (a revolver of all things…like I was in some kind of Wild West movie, because anyone who knows me realizes I would clearly pick a 9mm) (I digress), we heard the man approaching and as is typical, we must have been about to die because I woke up.

The next day, when I was wide awake, I dropped my daughter off at her softball game while my son and I ventured off in search of food. Not in the hunter/gatherer sort of way, but the drive-thru kind of way. With Siri directing me, I followed turn after turn until we found ourselves in a part of town called North Hilltop, which is just west of a neighborhood called The Bottoms. It looks a lot like this, but without the police car and cute blue house:

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The Hilltop recently had a fella going from house to house who the media dubbed, “The Hilltop Creeper” and I was driving through the side streets thinking about my dream when I passed a porch supported by concrete blocks and I realized, just hours earlier, I had foreseen my own death. But, instead of a revolver, I was armed with a veggie burger from Burger King which wasn’t going to hurt anybody, unless “anybody” is my large intestines.

Obviously, we made it out alive with only minimal damage to my already whacked-out psyche and abdomen. This proves that dreams don’t always come true and I’m really glad because the baby poop dream was pretty disgusting.

It also proves that I’m glad this week is over. My Friday involves yoga pants, a blanket, working from my couch, and possibly Whoopie Pies, which is to say it’s not all that different from any other day, except the Friday part. Either way, I’m happy about it.

I hope you enjoy your weekend as much as I plan to enjoy mine. Sweet dreams, people. Sweet dreams.

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