At the Academy Awards on Sunday night, Ben Affleck was accepting the Best Picture Oscar for Argo when he looked over to his wife, Jennifer Garner, and said, “I want to thank my wife…I want to thank you for working on marriage for ten Christmases. It’s good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with.”
Ben got a lot of grief for making this statement. I saw it for myself all over the Internet. It was awkward. It wasn’t the right place or time. Their marriage is in trouble! They are getting a divorce!
I, on the other hand, thought it was awesome and want to be among the first to thank him for his remark.
In my opinion it was the perfect venue for him to say such a thing. Hollywood is one big fairy-tale, complete with beautiful people and princess dresses, and millions of people were watching. I commend Ben for taking the opportunity to say that even with loads of money, good looks and an Oscar in his hand, that marriage is work. If it’s a struggle for them, what about those of us with financial problems, average appearance and no awards of which to speak?
If men and women didn’t enter into marriage with a white-picket fantasy and instead looked at it like it’s a job, maybe family dynamics wouldn’t get thrown out of whack because of the way the dishes are loaded in the dishwasher. Have you ever given a co-worker the silent treatment because they didn’t hang up their coat? No. So why would you act like that with your spouse?
Work can be fulfilling. There are a heck of a lot of people who LOVE their jobs, but they don’t just come in and sit at their desk and expect the work to be fulfilling. They put effort into it. They are passionate about it. They give and they get back.
I love my husband and I’m forever committed to our marriage, but it isn’t always easy. We both know it’s work and when everything falls into place as it can with any good project, it’s the most amazing partnership I’ve ever had. I don’t dread this job; I live for it.
It’s good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with.
Thank you, Ben, for keeping it real.
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Elaine A.
I thought that was such a great moment too. And I’m sure she knew exactly what he was saying. I think they are a wonderful couple and more “real” than most of the celebrity couples out there. And you’re both right, it’s MAJOR work but definitely the best damn kind. 🙂
jodifur
I loved his speech and I love this post. I always say that I wish people talked more about how hard work marriage is. Because it is. It is really hard work. And I have a great marriage and I love my husband, but we work at it.
wendy @ mama one to three
it was perfect and real and true. Why do we have to pretend our marriages are easy and perfect — only to end up divorced?? Let’s just admit it’s work–it’s joy, love, work, and reward. It’s difficult and worth all of it. I love Ben.
Momo Fali
Just like parenting!
Tracie
I love that he said it. That one real moment was better than anything else that happened last night.
Patois42
Thanks for putting into words exactly what I felt — first Ben and now you.
anymommy
I loved it too. I thought his so speech was surprisingly genuine.
Miss Britt
I loved it! And I can imagine the person I’d most want to thank would be the person who cheered me on, supported me, believed in me, and promised to love me even if I failed.
gorillabuns
I will forever love Ben. Good or Bad. When he thanked his wife, I loved him even more. The true genuine words were that of a man who probably laid himself out there more than all of his peers last night. To critique such real and honest emotion means, these assholes are all cheating on their significant others.
*Segue* I used have a framed picture of Ben by my bedside in the late ’90’s. I wanted to marry him. Not the JLo Ben but the Ben he is today.
and scene….
Laura in Little Rock
I don’t really watch TV. I spend enough time reading blogs… and well, I’d rather _read_ about TV than watch it. How kind of the internet to fulfill my life goal. Anyway, I’ve seen critiques of clothing, falling, language, etc. and not ONE other post on Ben Affleck thanking his wife for “working on marriage” for 10 Christmases.
Thanks Momo. I needed to read this today. I’m leaving the dirty dishes on the table and going to bed, next to the man I’ve “worked on marriage” with for 12 Christmases. Somehow.
Melisa
Amen. I loved that he said it also, and it was his “clairification”/ramble about how there was nobody he’d rather “work with” (and the cut to her, smiling) that was the icing on the cake. They are an adorable couple who seem very real, and it’s so refreshing. He’s one of the good ones.
Casey
Yes. Marriage is hard. Really hard. And with little kids, it’s even harder. And yes we don’t talk about it. And that sucks because when it’s hard we feel alone. And struggling with your marriage AND feeling alone feels way worse than just struggling with your marriage. Which is hard enough.
So yes. Thank you for this.
Liz
He had me at ten Christmases, great post Momo!
Toni
I didn’t see it but I’m not surprised. That brought big smiles to my face, along with a few tears! (Got the tears part from Momo! ). :). XO
ascapecodturns
Awesome, Momo!!! Nicely said!
Shannon
I loved his speech – how he was rushing and going fast, almost in a panic, and then realized “Hey, I just won Best Picture. They aren’t going to cut me off!”
Marriage can be hard, but, you’re right, the things that we work for are the things most appreciated. Great post!
tracy@sellabitmum
I thought it was an amazing moment. That is love. xo
Arnebya
I agree it’s a perfect statement. Marriage IS hard and it takes a commitment to work on it like nothing else we’ll do (even parenting. It’s different. Work still, but a different kind.) And um, I kinda do give my coworkers the silent treatment routinely when they leave the small fridge door open. CHECK THE SUCTION, DAMMIT; IT AIN’T THAT HARD. Hey, I spend 8+ hours with these people 4-5 days a week. I have to be able to yell at them.
Ashley Reagan
Amen to that! Love this post!
Lisa @ Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy
I didn’t watch so I didn’t see the comment. But I did see a photo of them kissing in their seats that was Oscar worthy if they are in trouble.
I totally agree with you. If were more open about what marriage really is. If people knew that all marriages had issues and weren’t all as perfect as they appear until they shockingly dissolve in front of our eyes, it would be easier to be ok with the issue we all have. We would be more committed to working through it. PS I would have loved his comment more if he had been talking to me. I have loved him longer than she has…. lol
meleah rebeccah
I absolutely agree with you 1,000%. And kudos to Bed indeed for keeping it real!
Goddess in Progress
Totally and completely agree with you. I’m so annoyed at people who are all “ooh, is their marriage on the rocks?!”
Honestly, people who say that stuff, are you married? Do you not work on YOUR marriage? Because this stuff ain’t easy. It’s good, but it’s not always easy. And I think more people need to admit that.
Niki
Marriage is hard work, great post. My husband tell me that one reason he hates romantic movies because it paints a false idea about love and the real world.
Tracy @ The UnCoordinated Mommy
Great speech and great post!! Marriage and parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done and they each put strain on each other. Definitely not for the faint of heart 🙂
Monica
I missed this moment from the Academy Awards…thanks for writing this post so I could hear about it! Go Ben. You speaketh truth. As do you, Momo! 🙂
AlisonH
I didn’t see it but I can just picture it. Thank you for thanking him. Thank you for being a voice of sanity and love, too.