Within hours of putting up my last post, I was in the hospital. You can’t make this stuff up, people.

It started with a dull ache on my lower right side and ended with sharp pain in the same spot that spread across my belly. I went to the ER thinking that I had an appendicitis or kidney stone and ended up being admitted so that I could prep for a colonoscopy. Yippee!

Everything you’ve ever heard about a colonscopy is true. The prep is the worst part, but what no one tells you is that IT’S NOT THAT BAD. I drink an entire bottle of Miralax powder mixed into frozen Gatorade and thanks to the Dilaudid I was on, I thought I was drinking a slushie.

Of course, that didn’t work because my bowels? They are stubborn. So at 4:00am I drank Golytely (pronounced, Go Lightly, because someone has a sick sense of humor) mixed with iced-down Shasta. At this point I had been up for 48 hours, was hopped up on pain meds and was very thirsty. Golytely went down (and out) without a problem. You’re welcome.

The colonscopy itself? Who cares! After Versed and Demorol you’ll look like this when they wheel you in.

What is that thing hanging from the ceiling? You’re going to put that in my innards? Okay!

Another thing no one tells you (and this could be because they’re too embarrassed, but I’ve already said, “innards” so I obviously have no shame) is that you will have intestines full of air when you are done. My step-mom told me I’d be gassy, but that term doesn’t really do it justice. I’ll just say that I’m glad I didn’t have a roommate, or visitors, and that my husband is, quite possibly, the most understanding man on the planet (who, for the record, canceled a THIRD trip out of town because of MY medical emergencies) (he wins for best husband).

All in all, the colonoscopy wasn’t the horrible experience people seem to think it is. I even got to hallucinate a little bit!

My pain was diagnosed as an inflammatory bowel flare-up. I don’t have Crohn’s, or cancer, or anything awful. The doctor said it was likely brought on by stress and told me to start meditating, and breathing, and stop clenching my teeth. I said, “Give me more Dilaudid and we’ll talk.”

So, I have a counter full of new medicines to take (for now) and I was cleared for travel to New York in a couple of days.

And now? Katie Couric and I totally have something to talk about.

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So, you know how you have sewage come up through the utility sink in your basement and the plumber tells you it will be $300 to fix, but that you also need two more hours of work on the problem at $305 per hour, and then you get a $500 cardiology bill for your son, and two weeks later your husband goes for a sleep study and finds out that he stops breathing so often that he’s lucky he isn’t dead, and you’re so relieved he went for the study until you get the $1800 bill, and then the same day the check engine light comes on in your 15 year old car, and then the glass falls out of your back door and shatters everywhere so that you have to put cardboard up and your house looks like The Beverly Hillbillies live there, and then your son goes to the dentist and they tell you that he HAS to see an orthodontist immediately because his roots have no room and are deteriorating, and then you get pink eye, and then you get a bill from the IRS for THOUSANDS of dollars for something you didn’t know about from 2008, and then a car pulls up in front of your house and an elderly woman gets out, walks up your driveway, knocks on your door, hands you this, then gets back in the car and it pulls away…not stopping at ANY OTHER HOUSE?

Yeah, me too.

Who wants to get in a plane with me next week?

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I am somewhere buried in a spreadsheet (or three) (okay, five), having brief breakdowns and not cleaning my house. If not for my mom, I doubt my kids would still be getting fed.

I, however, am a stress eater so I have been sustaining myself on bags of chips and cereal straight from the box. It’s not unusual, lately, for me to work well into the morning hours then sleep a few, only to get up and do it again. It’s like I’m a medical resident, only without the stethoscope.

This is my busy time. Like, walk-around-saying-there-aren’t-enough-hours-in-the-day-and-REALLY-MEANING-IT busy. Like, I’ve-seriously-considered-a-catheter busy.

Why would anyone beat themselves up like this? I do it because I love my job. I love what I do, with whom I do it and for whom I do it. I am passionate about what the internet can do for people. I know a lot of people scratch their heads and wonder why I work so much, but I scratch my head and wonder how they work at jobs they hate.

So, if you’ve emailed me, called me, or knocked on my door, there’s a reason why I haven’t answered. In a couple of weeks, things will calm down a little bit.

Until then, pass the chips.

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A few days ago, my son got up early in the morning and climbed into our bed. I hugged him and asked him if he slept okay while he poked his index finger at the freckles on my arm. After he had “counted” every one of them, he took his hand and ran it down my forearm. Surprised, he said, “Look mom! When I rub my hand on your arm, your skin moves so much it looks like a wave!”

Awkward.

Look, I know I don’t have the firm…well, anything…of a 20-something anymore and my years of sun-loving have left my skin a bit wrinkled and loose, but a wave? It’s not quite that bad. Yet.

Still, it was enough to traumatize me a bit, so I took to a new product that Dove sent me. I’ve been a big fan of their body wash for a while now, so their VisibleCare toning crème body wash with NutriumMoisture was a logical step in the right direction.

This product is designed to help promote skin’s elasticity and strength and, clearly, I needed some of that. The toning crème is scented with ylang ylang (which is just plain fun to say) and delicate wood fragrance, so it smells especially fresh. It’s not sweet or too masculine smelling; it’s subtle and clean. It also has a thick lather and is gentle on my sun-loved skin.

Not to mention that it also has the highest concentration of NutriumMoisture (with added vitamin E) of any of Dove’s body washes. Combined with a daily regimen of sunscreen and moisturizer, I feel like I’m giving my skin the TLC it deserves. After just a few days, my skin feels softer and smoother. With continued use, I hope to turn my waves into mere ripples!

I know it isn’t possible to completely fight off aging, but I can give it my best shot and Dove is one of my weapons of choice. Sure, it comes in a green bottle and smells like delightful essential oils, but that’s just a bonus; what I really like is that it packs a mean punch.

Speaking of essential oils; have you ever had a Swedish massage? See below for info on how to enter to win one of two $500 Spafinder gift certificates!

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