1. If you see that the wind has blown leaves over every square inch of your yard, it will rain before you have a chance to bag them.
2. When you go for a run and your Albuterol canister is empty, your asthma attack might seem a lot worse than normal.
3. Because it is.
4. Out of desperation, you might drink a beer to calm yourself down.
5. Well, half a beer. Then use the other half to make beer-can chicken on your grill!
6. You’re efficient like that.
7. When you’ve been on your feet, cleaning, making dinner and doing laundry for hours and you finally sit down with everything you need within reach (cell phone, home phone, laptop, steno pad, pen, glasses and books…see efficient statement, above) you might spill a cup of water on half of it.
8. When you’re 40, you will find hair growing out of places you never did before. Like your chin, and your neck and your ears.
9. You also might find that running three miles, three times a week for over a month, results in a three pound weight GAIN.
10. Which may make you want to burn the Halloween candy.
11. Right after you eat that Twix bar.
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Comments
Tracy
Isn’t that weight gain that many people experience when they first start running simply because they’re getting more muscles? Being strong is pretty badass! (Not that I would know. My muscles are like veal. Practically atrophied.)
Also, the neck hair? I have it, too. What IS that, and why is it ALWAYS my husband who notices it first?
Melisa
It’s all muscle, baby!
Melisa
P.S. Do you need a Ben Gay wagon?
unmitigated me
(this list goes to 11)
And number 11 is very, VERY important.
Marci
LOVE this post. I’m now walking 6 miles a week and have gained eight pounds. Please God and your first two commentators that it IS muscle…
And Momo, I have to tell you: I’m from Ohio. We’ll have to chat about that sometime when we’re both not so busy with NaBloPoMo.
Cheers,
Marci
Alexandra
And when you’re waaaaaaaaaaaaay into your 40’s you may need an inhaler just to dance with your kid in the kitchen.
Yeah, like that.
Tara R.
Beer and Twix have wonderful calming properties.
AlisonH
1.Muscle weighs more than fat but takes up less room.
2.Got Skunk? Seriously. Skunks want you to be able to breathe deeeeep, take in all that good skunky stinkitude, get the full impact.
I once read a tale in the book “No Idle Hands,” I’m sure because after the author found it in an 1800s? 1700s? Old, anyway, diary in the Library of Congress, it was too good to keep to herself even if it had nothing to do with the history of knitting she was writing. The diary keeper was talking about how her minister, who had asthma, kept skunk glands in a bottle and uncorked it and took a good whiff any time he had an attack.
He did it one time too many while preaching and she and the rest of the congregation stood up en masse and walked out on him. So there!
Ever since then, I’ve noticed, and it is true: you drive past roadkill skunk and the airways not only open right up, they stay that way for hours. It even stinks less than Albuterol. (I say.)