1. If you happen to be home on a Sunday afternoon and are expecting a camera crew from a major national magazine to stop by, you may find it beneficial to empty the liquid from a glass like this into your belly. Twice.
2. Then you’ll still be nervous.
3. If the photographer has told you that he will be shooting pictures in your kitchen and in your garage, make sure you spend two days cleaning your kitchen.
4. Then realize that you haven’t touched the rusted paint cans, dried leaves and random pieces of cardboard in your garage until two hours before he arrives.
5. At which time you may beg your husband to clean it for you.
6. There may also be be shrieking involved.
7. If the magazine for which you’re posing has a circulation of roughly 4 million, you may find it is a perfect time to a) wax your own eyebrows, b) experiment with liquid eyeliner and c) forget to test your hairspray nozzle so that it doesn’t so much spray as it does shoot a solid stream of liquid into your fresh curls.
8. As soon as the crew sets up their equipment and has your kitchen completely blocked off with lights, wires and big umbrellas, your kids will tell you that they’re hungry.
9. If you happen to be busty then, by all means, pick a button down shirt for the shoot so that every time the photographer asks you to put your hands on your hips it pops open at just the right spot.
10. Then it will be like you’re posing for an entirely different type of magazine.
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Comments
Mr Lady
I can't wait for the Momoporn.
NukeDad
You mean, like the JC Penney catalog? I'm sure you did great; can't wait to see it! Don't forget the little people when you become bigger than THE Oprah.
the*4*of*us
how fun!!! I can't wait to see the mag!
WebSavvyMom
–>That's very exciting! Which magazine? Congrats!
~deb
Angella
You made me laugh, but DUDE. Excited for you.
UP
UR 2 Famous, I'm 2 Green with envy, great post!
Now I DO have a dream!
UP
AlisonH
Oh my. Never at my house!
Oscar
I'll be waiting at the newsstand!
Buttons..nice.
the WV for thsi comment was
"dinglych" LOL
Always Home and Uncool
Hmm. I clicked on the mag link and the first thing that popped out is its article on sexy underwear. You're going to class them up, right?
Sadia
Tee hee! I can't wait to read the article, and now I'm MOST curious about the photos!
Moonshadow
WOW Momo! You WILL tell us when this is published won't you?
BusyDad
I'm gonna buy of copy of that magazine. You know, just for the articles.
Tara R.
Did I miss the reveal (pun intended) on which mag was doing the photo shoot? I'm sure you were great.
Melisa with one S
After your shirt popped open, did they have you lay down, spread eagle, on some freshly ground beef?
Just wondering.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
HOLY CRAP! You're nearly famous! Send me an autographed copy, k?
meleah rebeccah
What? OMG! That is sooooo very exciting! [and this post was hilarious] But, I need to know which magazine? Because I MUST get my hands on a copy!!!
meleah rebeccah
Okay, now that I've stopped jumping for joy for you, I just clicked on the link to discover its the Ladies Home Journal magazine. Now I just need to know WHAT month your issue will be coming out?
Tela
Long-time lurker, first-time commenter (I think. I might've commented before, in which case ignore that first sentence. Which maybe you should do anyway, because my baby daddy says "It's a really cheesy thing to say." And he doesn't want me to say cheesy things to you because this is the first blog post I've read out loud to him (and there have been many) that he has liked as much as I did.
So yeah. Love this post. Love your blog. Love your humor. Please tell us when this mag will be in newsstands. Baby daddy will *definitely* want to check out those pics.
Single Parent Dad
I join Mr Lady in eagerly awaiting Momoporn.
MommyTime
If LHJ wanted a picture of my kitchen and garage, it would certainly only be for the BEFORE section of whatever the story was. Congrats on making AFTER. As for the shirt, I'm sure they can Photoshop fix it. 😉
Kim
Eagerly awaiting the newsstand drop!! Congrats my famous friend!
Lindsey
Ha! Momoporn! Tehe!
thanks for making a SAHM laugh at the end of my long day as I look at the shambles that was my kitchen at some point.
Camera crew at my house? Would have taken me 4 days of kitchen cleaning to be proper.
Kiera
CANT wait to see the pics and read the article!!
ZDub
That is so very rad.
Can't wait to see it.
And how does one get their garage photographed? My garage is a nightmare.
Well done with the drinking, by the way. It's really the only answer ever.
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins
Well, BOWM-CHICKA! to you dear! I'm sure the spot will look great! (I, on the other hand, was recently interviewed for the local MetroParent magazine. Oh yeah, big time, bay-bee! 😉
Jana
okay, I came into this a bit late….what magazine? I want to make sure to grab it when it comes out!! how exciting! and hilarious…
LiteralDan
I don't think I could clean ANY room of my house in only 2 days, even if that's all I was doing. I'm easily distracted.
I don't know how I would be able to function knowing anyone was going to come and take pictures inside my house, especially with me in them! They'd have to hire an actor/model, and get a stunt house.
Congratulations, and let us know when they sell their B-roll to Esquire! Oh, and, of course, also when Ladies Home Journal runs your regular pictures.
the planet of janet
wow. just wow.
Tom
Holy moley! Camera crew and silvered umbrellas and everything? Sheesh! No big disruption or anything.
I'd never be able to get our garage clean enough for a photo shoot without renting a bulldozer and portable industrial incinerator. You should be proud of yourselves.
Congratulations on the publicity! Can't wait to see the mag.
Heather
Well LOOK at you! Can't wait for it to come out, I will be the first one in my state to snatch it up 🙂
Geeks in Rome
I hope it will come out online b/c I can't get the Ladies' Homes Journal out here.
And don't worry about your buxom boobs busting out — their cover story (online) today was showing sexy lingerie… so it IS an article about Momoporn, huh!?
tera
Oh my gosh. Kinda (so) glad it was you, not me! If anyone with a camera was going to come anywhere near my garage I would shriek, too!
Too funny!
Jo Beaufoix
Ahhhhhh so exciting hon. Wish we could get it over here. Please put pics up. x
Corey~living and loving
seriously….that is freakin cool….and scary.
Overflowing Brain
Holy crap! Ladie's Home Journal? That is way too awesome.
Can't wait to see the final product (and you know, your boobs in the button down shirt).
mrsmouthy
I suddenly feel awkward around you. I'm not sure if it's because ur famus or because of the whole flashing thing.
Monica
Yay Momo! Couldn't have happened to a funnier or nicer mom. Except I don't really know you, so I'm just guessing based on the impression I get from your posts, which is that you're great. So YAY MOMO!
Otter Thomas
Congrats on making the big time. I am beginning to feel inadequate around some of you big time bloggers.
Mrs4444
See, now me? I would have just pretended to live at my neighbor's house (she cleans like a freak every day 🙂
Can't wait to see your famous self!!
surprised mom
Well, you had an exciting day!
I can't wait to see the magazine!
Sue
They'll probably put you on the cover now!! That is so exciting, Momo!!!! Let us know when it comes out on newstands so I can announce it to my friends here that I know you!!!!