I couldn’t sleep last night.

This is nothing new, but the circumstances behind my insomnia were. I was thinking about cheeseburgers.

I was thinking about cheeseburgers, because that’s what we’re having for lunch today and my boss won’t be there which leaves me in charge of making sure 200 kids get fed. On time.

So this pressing matter kept me awake, but after a while my mind began to wander.

It wandered to a fellow blogger, Anissa, who had a stroke yesterday and is in ICU. Anissa started blogging after her daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia.

Which led me to think about the little girl I know who is dying of a brain tumor.

And that sent my thoughts to some of the underprivileged kids we met last night at an event at the Boys and Girls Club of Columbus.

Thinking of underprivileged people, led me to think about the soup kitchen my daughter visited with her Girl Scout troop yesterday. The soup kitchen where they serve lunch to 1500 people a day.

Which brought me back to cheeseburgers.

And I realized that lunch is really nothing to worry about.

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1. If your 75 year old mother is preparing to move and keeps telling you how hard it is because she “has so much stuff”, you won’t believe her until you see it for yourself.

2. Because apparently you can’t have too many vases.

3. Or soap dishes.

4. Or canister sets.

5. And, clearly, everyone needs a set of everyday dishes and three separate sets of fine china.

6. Your sister, who lives with your mother part-time, and who was home ALL summer, may suddenly disappear to northern Ohio for “grad school” and “trade shows” and won’t come home from the time your mother decides to move, until one week after the move is completed.

7. Which leaves you to pack her stuff up.

8. And, when I say “pack” I mean put her things into hodge-podge boxes, cart them across town, lug them into the new house and up a flight of steps, then throw them in a corner.

9. Your sister is lucky you love her.

10. Because she’s a pack-rat.

11. You may be really excited to have this Friday off work, only to realize your mom really wants you to paint her new living room and dining room.

12. Your mom is lucky you love her too.

13. And when your mom lives just two minutes away instead of 25 minutes away, all of this will be worth it.

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I have never tried to hide the fact that I am not the best cook. Mostly it’s because my life is busy. Really busy. Dinner usually consists of something I’ve thrown together at the last minute. I may have once fed my children Beef-a-Roni and buttered hot dog buns for dinner.

For the last several years we have had Thanksgiving at our house and you can’t slack off in the preparations for that meal. Unless, of course, your husband stuffs the turkey and your mom brings the bread, corn, green beans and pie. However, I am quite skilled at opening the wine.

This year will be different though! This year, Thanksgiving dinner is my responsibility. Why? Because I went to Thanksgiving Boot Camp! My instructor was the lovely Robin Davis, food editor of The Columbus Dispatch. The location was the fabulous North Market.

The first thing I learned is that your ingredients should be fresh. That means you use real celery, onions and bread in your stuffing! Real bread! Okay, the pumpkin for the pie was canned, but everything else? Totally fresh! Almost all of our ingredients came straight from North Market vendors.

When we were finished, we sat down to some lovely conversation, a delightful Pinot Noir and the most delicious turkey I have ever had.

I will be taking over the entire refrigerator for this recipe, but it will be worth it. Robin knows her stuff.

Well, except for how to save my pie.

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When my daughter was two years old, I was making the bed one day when she came out of our bathroom chugging a glass of water.

I said, “Boy, you sure are thirsty!” Then I realized that I hadn’t heard any water running. I walked over to find a liquid trail from the doorway to where she had dunked her cup into the toilet. But, at least it was clean water. You know, with that bleach tablet in the tank and all.

Other than that, and my son once taking a sip of dishwasher rinse aid, I haven’t had to call poison control. However, if there was an emergency service to ask whether the dogs were going to die because of something they ate, I would have it on speed-dial.

Our 11 year old Labrador has been the worst culprit. There was the time she ate an enormous, solid, chocolate bunny, the time a chicken bone slipped out of my fingers and she caught it in mid-air and swallowed it whole, and my personal favorite…when she ate a breast pad when I was pumping for my daughter. By the way, there is something infinitely wonderful about a man who will go through the dog’s poop to make sure your breast pad hasn’t entangled itself in the mutt’s intestines. Hi honey!

As for the new puppy…she has a penchant for dead squirrels, dead birds and my son’s vomit.

And, that bleach-filled toilet water? It turns out the dogs like that too. I suppose I should count my blessings because my kids never ate any breast pads.

Tell me boys and girls, what’s the worst thing your kids (or pets) have ever ingested?

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