To my son:
“Maybe if you would have gone to the bathroom when I told you to, I wouldn’t be standing in the shower holding your piece of cheese and trying to wash my hair one-handed!”
“Is that stain on your jacket from when you threw up phlegm at recess or is it a blood stain from yesterday’s loose tooth?”
“Hurry up and go poop!”
To the puppy:
“Get your butt off my new throw pillow!”
“Get your butt off my laptop!”
“Hurry up and go poop!”
To my daughter:
“The puppy ate your soccer ball.”
To a newly purchased cleaning product:
“Your bottle says ‘streak-free shine’. You are not streak-free shining.”
To the television:
“Wow. Rick Springfield has had some work done.”
To my husband, when he asked me suggestively what was for dessert:
“Chocolate chip cookies.”
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terri
Rick Springfield? Where? Point me in the right direction! I always have and always will have a HUGE crush on that man!
♥georgie♥
LOL
you make dessert! My poor family is getting ripped off!
Maureen @ Wisconsin Mommy
Seriously – some one needs to clue Rick into the fact that being able to move your face a LITTLE is a good thing!
Oh My Goddess
At least the puppy wasn't eating your new throw pillow. But I bet that soccer ball is going to clog things up.
Deb Thaxton
–>HA! I hear my mother coming out a few times a week and it's scary!
Carolyn...Online
Rick Springfield should've left well enough alone. Men should just avoid the knife.
Jaina
No question where your son gets his humor Momo 😉
Tom
It never ceases to amaze me how children can inspire the oddest responses from us as parents. Such as one I used toward my five-year-old just a few weeks ago: "put down the gun and dance already!"
We inherit insanity from our children. It's true.
Oscar
Sounds like life at my house. C'ept no chocolate cookies
Surfer Jay
SOunds like everythings in order and you have a handle on things.
ZDub
I bought that same exact streak free shine b.s. and it really does not work!
Love the post!
anya
Love it…especially the last one! lol!
surprised mom
While you might have said all these things in absolute seriousness, I am laughing hysterically.
Chocolate chip cookies? My favorite!
So glad you also talk to animals and inanimate objects. I feel normal now.
Kori
Why were you holding his cheese? And how sad is it that the fact you ARE holding his cheese is more disturbing to me than the fact that he peed on you?
Corey~living and loving
just really glad the answer to the last inquery was not, "hurry up and go poop!" that would have been strange.
Momo Fali
Whoa, Kori! Just to clarify, he didn't pee on me! He came in the bathroom while I was taking a shower and didn't know what to do with the piece of cheese he was eating so I held it for him.
Lisa@verybusymomwith4
LOL–I was watching an old Nancy Drew and Rick Springfield was Ned—good to see he hasn't aged much 😉
Irish Gumbo
So how were the cookies?
Aunt Juicebox
Ah crap. Now I want cookies. Or maybe I just need to go poop.
Bean
Oh – I read the first one all wrong! I'm glad you had to clarify to Kori, because I thought you were calling his penis his "piece of cheese" (of course I thought, "that isn't like her to call it that and how do I not know she would call it THAT?)! I missed that YOU were holding the cheese, and I was wondering why on Earth HE was washing YOUR hair (one-armed)!
Rick … yeah … hmmm … he should have just let it go. Little too tight.
Chocolate chip cookies are in my oven as I read this post. And that isn't suggestive.
Jen
Dude, your commenters are twisted and heeeeelarious.
penis?
cheese?
need to poop?
I need to hang out here more often.
And why do I talk to the TV so much? I'm getting old. I'm turning into my mom, Momo.
DysFUNctional Mom
Only a Mother!
Off to google Rick Springfield…
Heather
hilarious. I have many, many of those "did I just have to say that?" moments. you also reminded me why I am so not ready to have a dog.
the*4*of*us
cookies! Ha!
The Devoted Dad
The cheese/hairwashing/bathroom one definitely stirred a lot of discussion. Makes sense to me, though. I think I've done that to my wife with a peanut butter sandwich(just joking) LOL. -Jason
mrsmouthy
I love this post!!