A week from tomorrow I am leaving town to attend a conference in Chicago. I have a scholarship that pays for my conference pass, and I didn’t think my 11 year old car would make the six hour drive, so Chevy is sending me a 2009 Tahoe. Then one of my roommates went and won a prize from Johnson and Johnson and is paying for our room. If I were Napoleon Dynamite this would be the equivalent of shocks and pegs. I am “Lucky!” Were it not for my my bar bill, this trip would be free.
One of my roommates is flying in from Oklahoma and I already know two of my roommates from a very ill-fated meet-up last year. But, because I spent most of that night in tears, hiding in the bathroom and fielding calls from the ER, I don’t feel like they really know me at all.
I thought I would dedicate a few posts to the three of them. It’s a little something to help them see who they’ll be singing karaoke with.
First of all, I am an insomniac. I have a horrible time sleeping because I lie awake thinking about things like a fellow blogger’s son who is in the hospital, or the fact that I just told my roommates that I would sing with them when I am actually completely tone deaf. I used to take Ambien, until I got addicted to it, but I was able to convince my doctor to give me a few pills to help me get through this trip.
Only problem? It makes me hallucinate in between taking it and actually falling asleep. Night before last, I went on Twitter during that time period…you know, because I had to test the Ambien. (Mom, Twitter is a social network where you can tell people what you’re doing in 140 characters or less. You can check it out…if you ever get a computer.)
So roomies, here are some of the things you’re in for. I give you my Ambien tweets…
Where I talk to my husband about a deer that I never saw – Am telling my husband the story about the deer from the other day that I TOTALLY remember. He says, “None of it happened”. Foiled by Ambien!!
I nod off, the first time – MomoFaliStarted typing a blog post, fell asleep and woke up to a screen full of “b’s”. Hai Ambien!
I hallucinate, the first time – Let’s just say there’s some Kung Fu Panda up in here…and the movie isn’t even on.
I nod off a second time – Just tried to send an 1133 character update (it was blank, as I fell asleep with my hand on the space bar). Twitter is so picky!
I hallucinate a second time and misspell the name of the most famous ship…ever – There’s some Kung Fu Panda/Titantic stuff going on in my house and my daughter keeps talking about swim lessons (but she’s really in bed).
I make up names for far away lands – A place called Ambeinland would have streets paved in silver and all the chocolate and beer you can eat. And, comfy pillows.
I finally come to my senses – And spekaing of comofy pillows. Goodnight.
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Melisa with one S
So you'll be the one either dancing on the tables or snoozing UNDER the tables, right?
amy turn sharp of doobleh-vay
who cares! I love a little more nutty times in the night! I will be saying all of that and more- with vodka as my ambien! lol. I love you and cannot wait! xoxo
Amy
I snore, and I'm completely useless if I don't get at least 8 hours of sleep.
Have you tried melatonin? The hallucination thing would freak me right out if I were you. I'm with Amy though… liberal amounts of vodka and we'll just think you're funny. 🙂
Halala Mama
Ahhh…Ambien. I was total insomniac during the last part of pregnancy and doctor gave that to me. It was GREAT until I realized it was the reason I was vomiting daily. I wonder if I could take it now? It would surely improve the quality of my tweets. 🙂
Amy
Heh. You sound like fun!
(Thanks for your comment on my post.)
Piper of Love
As long as you're friendly in your Ambien haze I'll be happy. It would suck if you were one of those stabby sleep walkers, or something.
I'm so full of squee right now, this is one week away!
Middle Aged Woman
A second on the melatonin, and I have a bedtime routine. Yes, just like a toddler. If I don't do the same stuff every night, I can't get to sleep.
Tenakim
If you do fall asleep, please be prepared for me to slap you awake so I can meet you. I could wear Kung Fu Panda costume- if that makes you feel more comfortable!
The Urban Cowboy
Sounds like good times for all! Enjoy yourself, sounds exciting.
Kim
Ambien drunk dialing.. have you tried it? yeah.. it is hysterical.. or so I hear I am hyterical when I do it.. ha.
Always Home and Uncool
I often feel like the only parent who blogs without a doctor's prescription.
Bad Momma
Sounds like fun times! Thanks for the kind offer of a "ride". I think I will take you up on it. Will you have room for a smallish box? email me on the best way to reach you & we'll work on a carpool solution for Flat Bad Momma.
BTW: I think it is way-cool on the ride & hotel situation. I am very excited for you guys.
meleah rebeccah
"Ambeinland would have streets paved in silver and all the chocolate and beer you can eat. And, comfy pillows."
Wow. I want to LIVE there!
the*4*of*us
ha! You guys are going to have so much fun!
Angella
It appears that I need to get me some Ambien…
Hockeyman
From one insomniac to another, pass the clicker. I don't recall hallucinations like that from Ambien but apparently I like to grope or try to tickle. This is all here-say as I don't recall any of it. As far as I know it's not every night too so I have doubts in the claims.
Rebecca Anne
Is everyone going to Blogher besides me??!!! I'm so not letting this happen next year. I'd say your roomies are prepared now and if I can guess right, you'll have a wonderful time AND make things more interesting for all involved.
I'm officially jealous~
surprised mom
You sure are going to have an interesting time at BlogHer. I've always been too afraid to try Ambien, but now after this post I'm almost looking forward to losing my insomnia and go to "Ambienland."
I'm not going to BlogHer because I came on the blog scene too late and it was already closed. However, living in Chicago there is a good chance I can meet up with you fun people at one point or another!
I hope you have a blast!
Tom
*this* is what keeps me coming back here each and every day. I was wondering what the Kung Fu panda prattle was all about.
Lisa@verybusymomwith4
i honestly was not even considering going to Blogher but after reading your post, I am thinking it would be sooo worth it–you are a riot. 🙂
Planning on going next year?
Rachel
SQUEEEEEEEEEEE
I can't wait, can't wait!!!
YAY!
AlisonH
I was waiting for the April Fool's, but, she really did win and you're really going? How cool is that! The rest will work out okay.
The Devoted Dad
Sounds like either way- hallucinations or not- you're gonna have a good time! Can't wait to hear the stories.
Maureen
Oh my… can't wait to hear the stories; from ALL sides of course!
BeautifulWreck
You are going to have suck a blast. I hope to go next year. Very lucky in deed. My friend texts me in an ambien induced state all the time. I have no clue as to what she is saying.
Twenty Four At Heart
I've only taken ambien once. I saw two of everything and felt like I was on LSD. Not that I've ever taken LSD. But you know what I mean ….
Misty
did you happen to catch my post about my mom's ambien/montana night? ORRRR… where she woke up, in bed, to a kitchen full of black soot and turned over chairs but only recalled going to bed (and taking her pill) the night before…
I give it 2 years before that stuff is causing some ill fated law suit.
Cheffie-Mom
Have fun! I can't wait to read all about it!
Lynette
Heh. I can't wait for your roomies to blog all about it.
Have fun!
Otter Thomas
That sounds like fun. I am heading to the doctor right now to get a prescription.
Karly
You sound like so much fun! I can't wait to meet you at BlogHer! 🙂
tera
My dad used to take it and it worked really well for him, but maybe it's all about the dosage? I admit I just don't know.
What I really want to know is how do I get Chevy to send ME a car??!
Heather
I am SO JEALOUS you get Ambien. AND you rub it in on Twitter. *sticks out tongue*
HAH!
I can't wait to give you a biiiiiiiiig hug!
DysFUNctional Mom
You are going to be VERY entertaining for your roomates!
the planet of janet
could be worse. my friend's husband goes straight for the ice cream when he's on ambien.
every time.
Jaina
Lol, wow. Remind me never to take that stuff.
Sue
Crap, why aren't I one of your roommates?! I think I would like "streets paves in silver and all the chocolate and beer I can eat."