1. The public library is pretty much the biggest scam on the planet. Free books, free music, free movies for everyone! Take five books if you want…we trust you.
2. If my son can do something he knows is wrong, he will.
3. I love watching my kids play ball in the summer, but by the time July rolls around with her 90 degree heat and 90% humidity, and her peri-menopausal, PMS attitude (oh wait…that’s me) I’m kind of over it. And, at least half of me secretly hopes they don’t make it to the tournaments.
4. If you happen to be sitting under a tree at your daughter’s softball game and a big purple glob plops onto your shirt and pants, you will be disgusted because you think it’s bird poop. Then you will be really relieved when you realize it’s just a rotten mulberry.
5. I have had bad headaches since I was eight years old. Last Tuesday, I eliminated sugar from my diet and I haven’t had a headache since. You would think this would make me stop eating chocolate forever. You would be wrong.
6. When someone asks me if I’m doing Atkins or South Beach and I tell them I’m doing the Suzanne Somers diet and they laugh at me, is it wrong for me to hit them over the head with a Thighmaster?
7. Heterosexual men shouldn’t walk miniature poodles. Okay to own. Not okay to walk.
8. My 10 year old daughter waits to cut her toenails until I begin referring to them as talons.
9. I asked her if she would mind if I shared that toenail tidbit, and she said, “Not as long as you post a picture of them.”
10. I wouldn’t do that to you.
11. If you buy a black lab puppy from a breeder because the bloodlines are healthy, and in the first eight weeks that you have her she gets a UTI, mites, two staph infections, anemia, drinks latex paint and eats a rock, you’re going to want to kick yourself for not going to the pound and getting a mutt. You’ll also want to kick the breeder.
12. Then you’ll see her adorable puppy face and none of that will even matter.
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Comments
Melisa with one S
Yes, it would be totally wrong to hit that person over the head with a Thighmaster: you should put his head inside the Thighmaster and squeeze for dear life. 🙂
P.S. I LOVE that puppy. But you knew that.
Piper of Love
You're sweating balls about all my upcoming photo ops, aren't you?
I'm not gonna be aiming for your toenails, no worries 😉
surprised mom
I OWE the library the cost of the book I can't find. Isn't that lovely. I like your idea about the Thighmaster and laughed like heck over Melisa's response. When I saw your dog's photo I just went awwwwwww. He's so loveable and cute. I wanted to reach out and hug him. Thanks for your random thoughts.
Ali
oh my god. my daughter too. with the toenails. it's so gross.
FrankandMary
2. How exactly is your son different from many adults I come in contact with? Oh, yeah, he is a kid and might actually grow out of it.
Mini poodles are cats. Those guys are walking a cat. No guy should walk a cat.~Mary
Halala Mama
Black Labs are SO cute, but they eat like mountain goats. I watched a friend's eat MULCH. She said that she has pulled a bandanna out of him before! She asked the vet and he said that they pull lots of stuff out of labs. Good luck with that!
Momo Fali
Halala Mama,
I once had a black lab who ate a dead bat. I had to pull stringy bat parts out of her throat. That was loads of fun.
Moonshadow
I'm with you on the tournaments. I fill in for my working children hauling grandkids to games, most of which I'd attend anyway, but a lot of these games bleachers have no shade whatsoever! I bring a lawn chair and umbrella and people behind me bitch because they can't see around me. 🙂
Jason
I have a yellow lab and he didn't calm down until he was 7 years old. He ate everything he could(he still tries to get food off of the table)
Oscar
I have to cut my nails the second they FEEL long. It makes me crazy. Don't understand the whole nail thing.
When your daughter DOES cut them, save 'em . They make good guitar picks. (Clean 'em first)
Pets + money = Kids.
With you on the "hope they don't make it 50%. Not that you don't want them to win. Its just you need some time for yourself. A rare moment.
Fun post!
Lynn
Still disgusted over the mulberry. Better than bird poop, but still…blech!
Angella
When did your puppy get so BIG??
As for toenails, I have to pin my kids down to cut theirs. Yes, yes I do.
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins
#6: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I think it would be wrong NOT to!
Lynn @ Walking With Scissors
So, wait. Are you saying that sugar is bad for you? Because my life might not actually be worth living if that were true. It's not true. It's NOT!
James (SeattleDad)
Hilarious. I knew those Library folks were up to something sinister.
Darrin
Cute Lab! Reminds me of my Chocolate. And man… are Labs a handfull when they're pups!!! LOL!
the planet of janet
i'm sorry, i lost you after you mentioned chocolate….
BeautifulWreck
Cute dog.
My daughter is the same way when it comes to the toe nails.
My kids do not play ball but I remember the long summers when my brother did and we went to every game. And he always made all stars so we went until August most years.
NukeDad
That is, without a doubt, THE largest black lab puppy head I have ever seen. It's ginormous. There are countries in Africa that don't occupy that much space.
Aunt Debbi/kurts mom
Hey, I work at the library and no we don't trust you. That's why we ask for so much personal information. Love the toenail tallons. Now inappropriately sharing that middle monkey chews his toenails, ewwwww.
Twenty Four At Heart
I have a Golden Retriever and a Chocolate Lab. They need to chew. Literally, it's a physical need. Invest in some rawhide and you'll have a lot less damage around the house in the years to come. They are such great dogs and they don't MEAN to chew up your entire set of patio furniture …
Heather
I loved the style of this entry– So much that I'm copying it right now & doing my own entry HAH!
🙂
ps: your son can get away with whatever he wants because he's SO CUTE.
pps: i ALSO hate going to my sister's softball games by now.
ppps: i LOVE YOUR PUPPY AND I WANT TO STEAL HIM.
xo
DysFUNctional Mom
Seee, that's why you should've rescued. Not that I'm saying I told you so or anything. =D
And uh, give up chocolate?? That's the most disgusting thing I've read in a long time….maybe EVER.
WeaselMomma
Thanks for not posting pics of the toenails or the rotten mulberry.
Aunt Juicebox
The answer to the diet problem? Denial. Don't tell people you're on one. And if they question what you're eating, act like you don't know what they're talking about, or make something up, such as saying that bread gives you extreme flatulence.
velocibadgergirl
I swear I had something intelligent to say, but then I saw the photo and all that's left is "LAB FACE!!" I want to flap her floppy ears and go "wooba wooba" on her floppy lips! <3
Cheffie-Mom
I came over from Heather's blog to say hello. enJOY your day!
AlisonH
#10–Yowsers.
#4–Ask the kid who had a young falcon overhead in downtown San Jose. Which couldn't quite hold onto the pigeon that weighed nearly as much as it did, and dropped it. Missed!
meleah rebeccah
that really is such a cute puppy face!!
Kim
I love your puppies face.. I want to eat him up..
and your eliminating sugar diet.. you are like super woman.. how do you do that?
tanya25m
I like no. 6 🙂
Deb Thaxton
–>My older lab "puppy" turned 13 today. She has had her moments but we love her all the same. Now for our 4-yr old lab…we're getting there. ha!
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