I haven’t slept in about 10 years. Okay, I’m exaggerating…a little. My insomnia started when I was pregnant with my daughter, and it hasn’t let up since.
I now hold the belief that only single people, with no kids, no pets and quiet neighbors, actually sleep. They also must not live near an airport, and can’t keep their windows open to allow the sound of chirping birds to come through. Anyone wanna lend me a BB gun?
My lack of sleep was compounded by having two preemies who both wore heart monitors. You have never really heard an alarm, until you’ve heard one that tells you your baby isn’t breathing, or their heart rate has dropped dangerously low…at 3:00 AM. For my next blog post, I will be discussing adrenaline rush.
Now my dog is getting old, and likes to nudge me with her cold, wet nose to let me know she needs to poop, or puke, or because she feels the need to be petted in the wee hours.
And, there are kids having bad dreams and moving about in the night. I’m always on high alert when I hear one of them. You never know when vomit will strike.
Add to that, my husband’s snoring…okay, not fair…everyone has a husband who snores. But, I’m also lucky enough to have one who suffers from night terrors. My wonderful guy once woke me by pulling me out of bed by my ankles while screaming, “Get out of here! Get out of here!” And another time, he jumped from the bed with all the covers, hit a picture off the wall, and ran into the closet, knocking all the clothes down in the process. He claimed a marching band was coming toward us, and we were about to get trampled.
I don’t know if I didn’t sleep that night because he startled me…or if I was disturbed that he left me there to get stomped by people with wind instruments.
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Ashley
If it makes you feel any better, my hubby would probably leave me to get trampled by wind instruments too. At least he pulled you off the bed, though right?
amy t sharp
I was just talking about sleep yesterday- lack of it and the fact that I have only had a few naps in 4 years. 10 years. My Lord. You must have great concealer though…caus I know you and yr still fresh and hot! Must be that adrenaline 🙂
Stephen
Yeah, you never know when those band geeks could strike next. I should know; I used to be one. It’s sorta like being ex-Mafia, except with a cummerbund and a feathery hat. (not really)
Ed (zoesdad)
I think no sleeping is the part of the job description they leave out until after you’ve accepted the sign on bonus and are locked in. Then comes the, “Oh, and by the way–there will be no more sleeping. EVER!”
Stella
I think we are long lost companions! You truly have not heard an alarm until it goes off at 3am and it’s one of your child’s vital life functions!
It’s not funny but I could not stop laughing at the marching band! I don’t know what my son is dreaming about but when his terrors hit and he’s in bed with us, I usually end up getting a fist to the jaw. I may have to get him some gloves and boxing lessons- he’s got a great left hook!
Bean
What’s wrong with me? I believe I am the only Mom on the planet who sleeps more soundly since becoming one. I don’t know if I should rejoice or if I should get counseling!
Geeks In Rome
My sister said you don’t sleep even after the kids get older because then you’re up half-awake all night waiting to hear they got home safe from their night out. ugh. I’m planning on taking a HUGE nap after I retire and it better not mean kicking the bucket 🙁
transfattyacid
My missus’ only comment was ‘it makes you sleep apnea sound normal’.
Oh and I got told off this morning for having eight hours sleep.
A Buns Life
I honestly have resorted to sleeping in the guest room a few nights a week just to get some sound sleep. Between the hubby and the dog it is darn near impossible with all the snoring. As an added bonus, the kids don’t know where to find me if they wake up in the middle of the night……
chefmom
LOL…stomped by the wind instruments. My husband theory is that “sleep is overrated”. I’m gonna get him a set of boobs and set an alarm and wake him every 2 hours. I have a night terror sleeper too!! But I do snore…broken nose, deviated septum,sleep apnea, but I refuse to have surgery. He usually nudges me to get me to roll over or wake up and stop snoring. (or to get me to start breathing again…breathing is overratted) The other night, he kicks me. i wake up, and he continues to kick me, again and again! I finally sat up and said “I’m up! Stop kicking me!” he mumbled something and the next morning told me about this dream he had about kicking someone who was trying to get into the house. Um Yeah…note to self, put baracade between us, in the bed.
Mimi aka pz5wjj
Oh the image you left in my head!
Thanks for the laugh! And I keep thinking maybe one day when I’m old and hard of hearing I’ll get some sleep!
katy
From what I hear from my dad, old people can’t sleep either! They have to get up to pee, take their pills, the back aches…I think we’ve had our prime time to sleep before age 5.
LiteralDan
Man, you’ve got quite the rogue’s gallery of sleep preventers. That’s all-time classic.
You should have him paint a mural of this Marching Band of Doom– I think it would look awesome, and you could probably sell it for some good money to a wealthy school district or private university.
Heather
I think insomnia is genetic. My dad doesn’t sleep, I don’t sleep, and now my 14 year old daughter is complaining of not being able to go to sleep. We also all 3 have some mild form of OCD (which my grandfather had as well) and that may be related. My biggest fear at night is that someone will break into our house while everyone else is asleep and I will be the only one who can hear it because I am dead awake.
Michelle
Oh, the sleep, how I miss the memory of it! I haven’t slept, in let’s see, my oldest is almost 6, so about 6.5 years. Right about the time she started moving in-utero. And. Never. Stopped. I also had a preemie with one of those awful apnea monitors. That will make your heart jump right out of your body! ( I once had it go off when I was driving home from the doctor, and I was all alone. I almost caused an accident trying to get stopped and to him!)
Now my preemie is 3 and still refuses to sleep through the night. My husband is a cop, who thankfully doesn’t work nights anymore, just evenings, however, he fights and yells at inmates in his sleep!
I figure I’ll sleep when I’m dead!
The Immoral Matriarch
Ambien.
Percocet.
Valium.
Ok, Where Was I?
Also disturbing that he’s having dreams about marching bands. What’s that about?
sybil law
I hate to laugh, but that marching band dream is just really funny!
I don’t sleep, either. It makes me crazy. I think that’s part of my charm!
Jacque
That’s hilarious! I don’t have insomnia, but I can’t sleep for the three creatures in this house who have to be near their mama at all times. Usually by the time I wake up in the morning, they’ve all found me at some point during the night.
Misty
bless your heart. I agree about that alarm sound. We had twin baby girls that we were fostering to adopt (didn’t work out) several years ago, and one of them was on a monitor for breathing. ugh…
Lisa
I have to laugh about the marching band dream 🙂
Since the baby will still not sleep through the night, I do not. Sigh–too bad you don’t leave next door; we could enjoy a 3 am coffee 😉
Birdie/That Girl
Looks like the cards are pretty much stacked against you there. I feel kinda bad laughing so hard.
Monica
My husband also has night terrors. He just yells NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! and wakes all of us up. And my kids do all sleep though the night — just not on the same night. Someone is ALWAYS wandering around ending up in a different place than where they started off the night. Musical beds. Lots of yelling. Throw in some barfing. Mix in a punchy 5-year old who takes up way more space than it looks like she could.
I hope to sleep again sometime before I die.
Birdie/That Girl
p.s. for what it’s worth, you’re my blog o’ the day.
meleah rebeccah
I don’t mean to laugh at your lack of sleep because THAT really sucks….but I am hysterical over here…the stories about your husbands nightmares are CRAZY funny to me.
Amber
I’m thinking you need to go on vacation by yourself and get a nice, quiet hotel room and just sleep for a week!
Valarie
That was too funny 🙂 I thought my husband was bad with his snoring, but with the night terrors you have me beat.
Jo Beaufoix
Kids definitelyequal sleep deprivation, and mine weren’t preemies, they were both late and induced. I cant imagine how scary the heart monitors going off must have been. And Mr B snores so loud it wakes my kids up, grrrr. But you win on the night terrors my lovely. In fact you made me feel guilty, because I laughed at the image of you being dragged out of bed by the ankles. Serious voice – that is not funny. AT ALL. ;D
Bee Repartee
reminds me of a cartoon I saw with a not-so-funny illustration of a mom’s group banner over the heads of the mom’s attending. ~MOMS SUPPORT GROUP~ and there were the moms, all sleeping soundly in their chairs.
hey, you can sleep when you are dead, right?
Tara R.
I had a kid who had night terrors… I can’t imagine how bizarre it would be for Hubs to have them. He wouldn’t leave me to be trampled by the marching band, he would never hear it.
nola
What is this thing you call, “sleep”?
AlisonH
I had a freshman college roommate with night terrors, but we never went through anything quite that bad. I guess she and I lucked out.
Keri
I’m so sorry that your husband suffers from night terrors. With that said, that part about the marching band made me laugh so hard I cried. I’m still sitting here giggling…
Michael C
I too have a sleeping problem. I have heard the heart monitor sound, but it was when my twins were in the hospital after being born early, we didn’t get to take them home for a few weeks.
In fact, the last good sleep I got was the groggy day after my heart surgery 3 years ago. Now THAT was a deep sleep!
OHmommy
I thought it would get better as the kids got older… but it hasn’t.
Bee
Okay, I have a new rule before I read your blog.
DO NOT CHEW GUM!! or basically have anything in my mouth!
I almost choked when I read that part about your husband!
Sorry, I know I shouldn’t be laughing since you haven’t slept well in 10 years but…
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jill
I don’t suppose it would make you feel any better if I said, “Dude, you sound just like my mom.” Don’t worry. She’s a young 61. Otherwise, I leave you only with the comfort that this single girl woke up last night with such severe stomach pains, she had to wake her boyfriend so he could talk her down. That’s right – it was all stress-related. How sad is that?
Maureen
Hokey Crap! If my hubby did that, he’d have a seperate bed. In a seperate room….
And I am a light sleeper too… I’m the only one to get up when someone else is sick, or the dog or cat(s) decide to hork in the middle of the night too. Snoring hubby snores right thru it all.
Selma
I haven’t slept well since I got married (17 years ago.) My hubby also suffers from night terrors. The other night he grabbed me in a vice-like grip and said: “Did you see that? It was big and hard.’ I took a leaf out of Michael C’s book and said :’That’s what she said.’
Joeprah
Ok, I am not sure what I just read, but I liked it. As for the snoring, yep…I do that. I have awoken from a nightmare wielding one of my incredibly huge brushes. Scared the crap out of my wife. I generally sleep clutching them.
suchsimplepleasures
i’m so glad that it’s only my 4 year old with night terrors! because, at least i won’t get yanked out of my bed…just jumped on!!
and, yes…nightly i yell at my husband to stop snoring like a freaking chainsaw!
Red Lotus Mama
The story about your husband’s night terrors are too funny (sorry).
Pre-husband and pre-daughter I used to love my mini hibernation a night (10 hours). This passion for sleeping started when I was a teenager. Now, I am lucky to get 6 straight hours a night. As a full time working mom sleep has become a luxury. I miss it terribly.
Take care of yourself. Try to get cat naps during the day.
saltgirl
Now I don’t feel so bad about my husband doing karate in the bed in the middle of the night. Night terrors…It has a name!
holly
it isn’t right that i’m laughing at your pain, but i’m laughing.
you live in a crazy house.
and if i’d have known beforehand that they *all* snore, i might have just stuck with my own kind ‘if you know what i mean’. thank god i got kids out of the deal. plus, i actually prefer men. sTILL! the snoring must go!