Don’t ever… take the seeds out of a chipotle pepper, add the skin of the pepper to your pot of chili, then rub your eyes before you’ve had a chance to wash your hands.
Don’t ever…feed your baby an ENTIRE jar of bananas for his first taste of baby food, unless you feel like cleaning up banana vomit. Maybe pick up a book and READ about what you’re supposed to do and don’t just say, “Wow. He really likes bananas”, and keep feeding them to him until he explodes.
Don’t ever…shovel your entire driveway without considering that maybe you need to wipe your nose. You may just find yourself looking up to see your neighbors, with a three-inch long glob of snot hanging out of your nostril.
Don’t ever…tell your boss she’d have to be pretty stupid to pack her plane tickets in her suitcase, until you were sure she didn’t already do that once.
Don’t ever…claim to know the words to a 50-Cent song. Your cool, hip friend might just call you on it.
I don’t own this last one. It belongs to a friend, but it would win the, “Learn from my mistakes” award, if there was such a thing.
Don’t ever…report your car stolen, unless you can actually remember which level of the garage you parked on. You may have the police looking for it, and suddenly stumble across it a few days later. And, you might just have friends who will never let you forget it.
Follow
Email
Comments
Avery Gray
No! When I can’t find my car, my first assumption is that I’m on the wrong level, and I wouldn’t call the cops until I was absolutely certain I wasn’t putting my foot in it by doing so.
Oh, and banana vomit is not idea of good times. ;o)
Misty
We had that happen with our car once. We looked at the number on the level, not the elevator we walked slightly down hill to. Thankfully my hubby is a smart one and, as I began panicking in that victimized state, he got to thinking…
Corey~living and loving
what a great post idea…..those types of things are fun to read…as long as it isn’t me that did the embarrassing thing. 🙂 Thanks for the smile.
oh and I am glad that my blog gives you a smile when you need it as well. 🙂
holly
re: the chili. could you not have posted this a month back and made me read it then?
i took my incident as a sign from god that i wasn’t supposed to be a cook.
i don’t think we ever had banana vomit. i think i’m glad.
~JJ!
Hmmm. Thank you?
🙂
BusyDad
TOO funny! Thanks for the advanced warning. A friend of mine had a habanero chili incident once. Except he didn’t rub his eyes. He went to the bathroom to take a pee…
Spent the next 15 minutes in the shower curled up in the fetal position.
BOSSY
Bossy is flushing her eyes with Saline at the thought. Nnnnn gahhhhh.
suchsimplepleasures
don’t ever call a tow truck and have your car towed to the dealership…until you are sure that all it would have needed was to be jumped!
Mrs. Fussy Fussypants
Oh, I love these!
I would pay big bucks for a Youtube video called, “Momo in da’club”
Momofali’s tribute to fiddy-cent!
Jared
Replace the bananas with prunes and vomiting with pooping. In my (not very strong) defense I also gave him a jar of bananas, which before had clogged him up pretty good. I figured they would cancel each other out. WRONG! The power of prunes outweigh bananas 10 to 1!
Mommyspeak
I dunno why but the suitcase one made me think of Spaceballs when Lord Helmet said only an idiot would use a combination like that…..
Mamma
Oh! Good lessons. I scooped out about forty jalapenos last year and didn’t wear gloves. My hands were on fire for days!!
Jill
Never ever apply Ben-Gay and then get in the shower. Trust me…it’s the stuff nightmares are made of!
Xbox4NappyRash
Funny, the first and last one’s I have experience of, sort of.
The pepper one, I would change slightly, and warn guys not to use the bathroom before washing those hands.
It.is.not.good.
My parents in law came to visit us last year only to return home to find their car ‘stolen’ at the airport back home…. insurance claims, police reports, conspiracy accusations against parking attendants all followed for 10 days before the phone call came that the car was where they had left it.
I will NEVER let them live that one down.
Genevieve Choate
Hooting with laughter here. Did that once in San Fran in a multi-level, multi-tower parking garage. We were on the right level,right spot but in the wrong tower.
The frozen snot thing — ewwwwwww. Made me cry laughing.
Donna
Laughing, crying. Wait a minute. Okay, I can see the screen.
One more.. Don’t ever put cinnamon oil in shower gel. It’s okay on the top half of your body, til you get to your bottom. It may not be real pain, but it feels exactly like real pain.
newnorth
when my car got stolen I walked around the entire apartment complex before first going to the office and asking if they towed it and then finally calling the cops.
My Mom lost her car for a while once before she realized there were two enterances to the store.
Stephen
Mmm, bananas and snot… 🙂
Joeprah
I think you left off picking your nose in front of your kids…they tattle. Those were all funny as a MoMo!
Candace
you are hilarious. you are seriously so funny. and. I have a friend who did the same thing. do we have the same friend?