So, you know how you have sewage come up through the utility sink in your basement and the plumber tells you it will be $300 to fix, but that you also need two more hours of work on the problem at $305 per hour, and then you get a $500 cardiology bill for your son, and two weeks later your husband goes for a sleep study and finds out that he stops breathing so often that he’s lucky he isn’t dead, and you’re so relieved he went for the study until you get the $1800 bill, and then the same day the check engine light comes on in your 15 year old car, and then the glass falls out of your back door and shatters everywhere so that you have to put cardboard up and your house looks like The Beverly Hillbillies live there, and then your son goes to the dentist and they tell you that he HAS to see an orthodontist immediately because his roots have no room and are deteriorating, and then you get pink eye, and then you get a bill from the IRS for THOUSANDS of dollars for something you didn’t know about from 2008, and then a car pulls up in front of your house and an elderly woman gets out, walks up your driveway, knocks on your door, hands you this, then gets back in the car and it pulls away…not stopping at ANY OTHER HOUSE?
Yeah, me too.
Who wants to get in a plane with me next week?
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AliciaC
Ooh no! Hugs to you!
AliciaC
PS. I don’t think it’s safe to sit that close to a moose. Just sayin’…
Melisa
Still laughing… (at the lady, not at your misfortune of course!)
Liz
You win!!!!
Rita Arens
OMG THAT BOOK!
Elisa Camahort Page
What. The. Hell. Is. That?
Momo Fali
It’s either a really good sign or a really bad sign.
Sharon Graham
So sorry for all the struggles. I do hope it ends soon! really! You will be a great hit in NYC!!
~Sharon
Anna Hettick
Oh man! So sorry for you!!
sizzle
Holy shit woman. It HAS to get better. Thinking positively for you!
LisaZ
Maybe you need some of that Calgon stuff!
Dumb {Squared}
Oh, the Apocalypse – it’s-a-comin’.
Where’s the escape hatch in this thing?
Arnebya
I was complaining earlier. I just looked in the mirror and said, “Bitch, please.”
Ah, Jehovah’s Witnesses (I think that’s one of their recent books. I get handed them on the metro). Let’s take the kindly old woman as a good sign, one of the mysterious things we like to say are unexplainable in their timeliness but in reality happened just the way it was supposed to. All shit — oh, suffering! — soon to end. We have declared it to the universe, let it be so.
Monica
With your luck? No thanks! For what it’s worth, that back door window thing happened at my house too, and we made the same hillbillies analogy. Or Sanford and Son. That works too.
unmitigated me
The moose are suffering, too?
moosh in indy.
Am I the only one who thinks that guy *kind of* looks like OJ?
I’d say “I’ll win you a new life!” but I’m busy winning something else for Shireen…
muffintopmommy
But dude…bright side? You still rock a wicked sense o’ humor and ain’t no one can take that away!
I WILL see you at BlogHer!!!!!!!
p davis
How can u afford (both mentally & financially) to go to New York w/all those huge expenses staring u guys in the face?
Nothig is absolutely free! Please let us know when u land both safely in New York & back home in Cols. I know u will have a safe flight flight: But “I’m just saying: Let us know when u ariive & return!”
Momo Fali
I’m being sent to New York for work. It’s not a vacation!
Piper
I’d take that as a good sign! And I wish I could hug you, and make you laugh REALLY hard right now.
Since I can’t, I’ll send my biggest EVERYONE GIVE MOMO A BIG HUG FOR ME vibes to New York, starting now.
Okay? xo
annettek
Oh Momo. I can’t even, all of this plus the insanity that is BlogHer? Yeesh. I normally would say “sending hugs” but I plan to track you down and hug you in person very soon. Just so you know.
Jennifer
I sincerely hope you are not flying out of Houston on Wed. And that dude totally looks like OJ.
Momo Fali
I’m not and I don’t blame you for asking. I don’t even want to be on a plane with me!
Redneck Mommy
Well. I’m here to tell you, the moose will get you every time.
Stay away from the moose.
And squishy internet hugs to you. I hope you get bags of money dropped in your lap, sooner, rather than later.
xo
Issa
There are no words for whatever that is. I think maybe you should take it as good things too come? Hope things get better soon.
Tara R.
I have no words. I am however, intrigued by the moose on the religious pamphlet.
BEAN
Meese are a sign of awakening, growth, and windfalls of wealth. It is a GOOD sign!!
Wait. That’s not right. It’s ‘moosen’. Or is it ‘meese’? Well regardless, it’s really freaky about the woman — but a good freaky. Like Freaky Friday, but better!!
*hugs*
Seriously. BIG hugs.
Joan (SurprisedMom)
I’m speechless. Totally speechless.
Diva Mama , Shira Adler
I feel your pain sister! And yes, Tara and Bean, the cover of that pamphlet felt eerily prophetic . . . ps I just joined my local barter exchange – a MUST for self-employed bloggers and fempreneurs. See if there is one near you. Mine is called Hudson Barter Exchange (anyone local to NY/Westchester County tell them I sent you). It’s been a godsend for helping me cover life’s little emergencies. And ps my spousal equivalent just lost his job unexpectedly so now we’re BOTH self-employed visionaries. So yeah, you’ve got my full empathy and support.
Christina
That book…what the what?
I hope things are better for you soon. (And I say that knowing you’re in the hospital at the moment. As Kendra says, this is not the FUBAR Olympics.)
But just in case…you’re not flying out Southwest on Wednesday, right? RIGHT?
(No really, get well soon & hope everything calms down soon.)
Mom Off Meth
Ohh man, I have had those days. Maybe not the woman at the end, but still the rest. There always seems to be a “woman” at the end to make things work out, our at least a direction. Great post.
Amie
All suffering soon to end…once you get stomped to death by these moose and/or killed by OJ. Good on ya, J-dubs!
(P.S. J-dubs = Jehovah’s Witnesses)
Rhea
goodlordhavemercy. (((hugs)))
lceel
Jeez. A clairvoyant Jehovah’s Witness. Who knew?
On the other hand, in a remarkable turn of events and reversal of karma, next week will begin with a win in the lottery.
I’m just not sure who.
erin
I had a less bad, but still bad day like that awhile back. And one of those pamphlets came in the. It made me laugh so hard!
Sarah
Goodness GRACIOUS. Even one of those things would be a lot…
and I have to agree, I am pretty sure it isn’t safe to sit that close to a moose. LOL
Gerri
OMG!!! Hoping things turn around soon!
Leila
It’s OJ AND Nicole…and a moose. And I don’t know what the fuck the moose is doing there. That kind of freaks me out. But I would say that the universe is trying to tell you something…I do believe in signs coming from the oddest places, honestly. So hang in there. You needed to see that, if only to wonder why nobody told us that OJ and Nicole had adopted a moose and where WAS said moose on the night in question. Maybe hanging out with Kato Kaelin? And whatever happened to HIM? This is obviously the country house as opposed to the LA digs, so that could explain a lot. Perhaps you should read the children’s classic “If You Give A Moose A Muffin” to get to the bottom of this. And stop worrying about all that totally other unimportant shit.
Also, if hubby went for a sleep study…shouldn’t they be paying HIM? WTF? Get the kids ortho done…the heart work already happened (I assume) so they can just wait on the damn money. Unless, of course, he needs more. But basically, sewage and door come last, take care of health and car, in that order, first. And do what I do – have drinks through all of it. Or actually, Klonopin. Admittedly, I sometimes do both but I’m not recommending that because I don’t want to be responsible for any ODs. Hugs kisses, and if I get my depressed and decrepit ass to blogger I am FINDING YOU. That is my only reason to go: to stalk people.
Leila
Um, that would be to BlogHer, not to blogger, which is a generic term that I actually hate because when I tell people that its what I am they think of it as some sort of bullshit hobby as opposed to WRITING. I wish to God someone would come up with a new name for this decade. Can you tell BlogHer to work on that? I don’t want to be a blogger. I want to be a writer. If someone making coffee at Dunkin Donuts can be a Hot Beverage Specialist, why can’t I be something like an Internet Entrepreneurial Executive Copywriter/Novelist/Journalist?
Patty
OMG I have no words! I just want to hug you. I hope that lady is right!!!! Xoxo
Patty
OMG I have no words! I just want to hug you. I hope that lady is right!!!! Xoxo
mare ball
Good grief. I thought I was having a bummer week. I hope you enjoy your time away, even if it is for work. BlogHer looks like such fun! Someday….
meleah rebeccah
Holy, hell. I have no words. But I can give you MANY hugs. Sheesh!
Ang
Holy shit lady- I think my IBS just flared READING all that chaos, no wonder you ended up in the hospital!
DANG! World, give the chick a break already, eh?!
Millicent
oh my!
AlisonH
Don’t EVER call that plumber again. Unless there was some extreme reason for that charge. I live in high-rent California and mine is $165 an hour.
*grump grump stomp around people who take advantage of my friends when they really don’t need that hassle grump grump stomp*
AlisonH
ps And I would call that guy’s boss and contest it. I did that once, before I found the guy I use now–and they backed down by half, but at least it was half. Good luck!
Ewokmama
What you’ve just described is totally my life.